wanting it to end

I feel like nothing is going my way, whatever i touch turns to shit. I have been on drugs for over 20 years now i am being forced to rehab. I only do coke a little but i smoke weed a lot. It helps me with my anxiety disorder but they said it does not help with my depression. I am tried of people telling me I am depressed its a sign of weakness. I just recently been told I have GAD and major depression they say it does not go away but its manageable. I am so tried of getting stuff that does not go away.I feel that now not only do I have a learning disability I also have a mental issues. Wow more money to spend on something else i can not afford. Yes i am in counseling but she does not know how i feel. I feel like i am a failure and what is the point of living. It would be less costly if I was not here!