Waiting for spring....

It's been a tough winter. I have discovered you have ups and downs for a long time. After his mother's funeral I told myself I was now ready to move on. Things were only going to get better. I was wrong. I have good days, sure. Days I am productive and actually have a good time. Unfortunately the bad days and bland days outnumber the good days. The bad days are where I miss having him around to talk to and do things with - like Valentines Day. Wow, wasn't that fun when everyone else at work was heading out to dinner or a special night with their significant other and I headed home to feel sorry for myself. I spent the night in a very destructive way - wondering if he bought his wife something extravagant and figuring they were out having a special dinner . He was always short of money with me. So I wallowed in self pity for awhile. Then went to bed to stop thinking. The bland days are almost worse. The days where I just get through the day. Not happy, not sad, just nothing. My therapist says I need to get out and join something. I need to make new friends. I need to find something I like to do outside of work. If I could rustle up some energy I'd do it. Most nights I want to come home and sleep. I did all that 10 years ago to meet people. I found someone. I wasn't suppose to have to do it again. I'm not even sure I'd trust anyone right now - man or woman. I doubt my own instincts right now. I want a life, I just don't have the energy right now to go get one. Anyone else feel that way? I wonder if there is a formula for how long you were together and how long it takes to snap out of it, put it behind you and get excited about something.