Vivid Dreams...
These dreams I have of my mom are more than eerie now. I am not a person to remember my dreams - because I sleep so hard, and when I wake I only remember fractured versions of dream images, and they can't be trusted. But ever since my mom died, she has come to me vividly in dreams. And this most recent dream (I think it was Saturday morning), I woke with the most cohesive and concise image of my mom and I discussing her passing and the medicines she was taking during the process.
What we both concluded - in this dream - was if my mom hadn't taken the Tarceva (chemo pills) she would be with us this Christmas. And you know, it was like she knew (and knows) the very drug which was supposed to prolong her life, killed her...which is a slippery slope with all cancer patients. Either they have the stamina to fight, or they sink. My mom sank, and in sinking - she died fast - and in dying fast, she missed Christmas with us...But now she will have Christmas with everyone who has ever lived and everyone who is living and breathing now because she is all that - she is a part of everything.
My husband's response to my dream was simply put: "Well of course mom knows the drugs killed her...where she is now, she is a part of knowing itself - all has been revealed to her." So I guess she IS the knowing. And lucky me, she communicates to me in dreams...or I am a nut case, and my sub-conscience is on way over load.
What we both concluded - in this dream - was if my mom hadn't taken the Tarceva (chemo pills) she would be with us this Christmas. And you know, it was like she knew (and knows) the very drug which was supposed to prolong her life, killed her...which is a slippery slope with all cancer patients. Either they have the stamina to fight, or they sink. My mom sank, and in sinking - she died fast - and in dying fast, she missed Christmas with us...But now she will have Christmas with everyone who has ever lived and everyone who is living and breathing now because she is all that - she is a part of everything.
My husband's response to my dream was simply put: "Well of course mom knows the drugs killed her...where she is now, she is a part of knowing itself - all has been revealed to her." So I guess she IS the knowing. And lucky me, she communicates to me in dreams...or I am a nut case, and my sub-conscience is on way over load.
Replies
I\'m sorry i haven\'t responded to your journal entries but i am going to go thru each of them. Your so lucky having dreams about your mom, i wish I did. your husband is right and isn\'t that something, we live life here on earth and do our best and we think we know everything lol (at least i do) but, yet, when we move on to the other side WE DO KNOW without a doubt. when you really think of it, the ones left behind suffer and if we only could see what our real life would be like, to be perfect. i\'m always talking to my mom and she used to make me laugh all the time but i would say i just want to die, this is after she went and then, all of a sudden, i\'ll start laughing because she\'s probably saying to GOD pleaseee don\'t take her yet, i need some peace lol lol. my mom and i used to joke about things like that all the time. i\'m going to read your next journal entry. laura