utter nonsense.

Reggies's ear had been itching like mad.  It was driving him crazy.........everyone in the village saw his crazy driving - endless scratching and wondered if perhaps 'ol Reg needed a flea collar. 
No one was particularly sane as far as the eye could see.......so nobody really minded the craziness, but they did wonder if the ear itch was contagious.  Lucy didn't much care as long as Reggie continued to make the porridge and bring in fresh firewood.  But Elliott, Doug and Ron cared alot.
The absent minded itching was giving them hives.  They kept trying to keep Reggie out of his car, but the bugger kept managing to hot rod all over town.  For such a seemingly dim witted bulb, he still managed to outwit the triplets.
Elliott, Doug and Ron were identical........they were one day older than Reggie and two weeks older than Lucy.  Not that it mattered particularly, but in a small village like Rhododendron, 5 birthdays in a short period of time was costly and each of these folks expected a full on blow out.  It was impossible.
Poor dear Jana gave each of them a box of gallon size baggies.  She said the exterior box served as gift wrap and provided valuable information on the contents too.  She was quite delighted with herself and clapped her white gloved hands........I noticed that Jana was missing one pearl button, but she was quick to correct me.  She took off one scuffed cream colored pump and shook the button out onto her gloved palm.  "All is well, all is well".......she smiled and continued on in her singsongy voice....."Everybody wants baggies, everybody gets baggies.......It's a fine beautiful day for baggies.........!"
The postmaster said Miss Jana did not have both oars in the water, well duh........Miss Jana was so afraid of water that she put a baggie over her face even when she bathed.  No chance that she was putting oars in water EVER.
'Ol Reg was sitting on the bench at the end of the dock absentmindedly scratching when it happened.......his poor ear slid off and plopped into the water.  Not even a second later, Charlie jumped out of the water and Reggie gasped........he could clearly see that Charlie had his ear.  "What to do, What to do??????????"
Charlie made one more pass near the surface and Reg could all but swear that old fish was grinning......taunting him.  Reggie put his hand over his ear....and felt something there.........what?  He leaned down and looked into the water..........it was the beginning of a seashell.  A conch..........oh my.........poor Reggie couldn't believe what he was seeing......he could feel himself sliding off the bench and then everything went blank.