update on me and the world

So much love, so much loss. I am staggering around trying to cope with the woe. I definitely got too tired last week and I knew I was falling apart and it was actually about Betsy (and Andy) when every sad thing on earth started to put me over the edge. There was a dog rescued in NYC almost starved and frozen to death (google Patrick Miracle dog) and I wept many hot sliding tears for the sadness and the badness of our world. The beautiful parts, in fact the beautiful people who rescued the dog, and my wonderful family who is holding each other so tightly in love and grief, are what keep us all going. 
My mother was worried that I would have people leaning on me for support during Betsy's medical journey. I told her that I am glad to help... it's like the reason for living. If we can make a little difference to each other in this sad world, we really have to. Doesn't mean I don't get into bed that night and frazzle my poor beloved man with inconsolable weeping. I miss Andy and I ache for everyone who misses their beloved kid and everyone who faces down cancer and all the innocent kids and dogs and cats everywhere in pain. People looking for lost beloveds, still, in Japan.
Thinking. Kwan Yin: She who hears the cries of the world. When our hearts are broken, we do feel it all. Was it Leonard Cohen who said something about the cracks in our hearts... where the light comes in. That's a positive thought to end on...

Replies

Missinglisa
Missinglisa

It is a sad world right now for me. There are things to smile about but when I turn around, there is something that puts me back into that dark place.
I too ache for the mothers who miss their kids as I do.
Know that I am weeping with you.
Love and Hugs,
Marlene, Lisa\'s Mum
CorriesMom
CorriesMom

Yes ~ Leonard Cohen ~ \"there\'s a crack in everything ~ that\'s how the light gets in.\"

I feel your melancholy and send hugs of gratitude for your tender care for our world.

Sending so much love ~ Debbie
rcoco
rcoco

The human condition is so very overwhelming. We are here, in this school room to learn, but so much of what we learn is profoundly sad.
We do the best that we can do, we live, we love, we lose, laugh, cry, and everything in between.
That is the human condition, the diversity of experience that we chose to embrace during our time on earth. I am so glad we get to do it with the love and support of FMO.
Big hugs, Rebecca
TamzinsMum
TamzinsMum

I am thinking of you all Sarah, sending you & your family all my love. I hope you saw the hot air balloons scan ok. Its great that you can keep writing here during all your saddest times. Thank you & LOve from Krissxxx
mummar
mummar

I love Leonard Cohen....Famous Blue Raincoat is one of my faves.... yes, when our hearts are broken we surely do feel it all - and there is so much to feel - but despite it all, this world is what we have right now. What we make of it is up to us............hugs, Joanna
RememberKala
RememberKala

I love you sweet friend......
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am such a fan of Leonard Cohen, you\'ve no idea. He lives in Montreal and always sits at a certain table at a sidewalk cafe in the Portuguese section, I\'ve looked for him there! Didn\'t see him :(. One of the vocalists is doing his song \"Hallelujah\" (by the same) at the memorial.

As for woe... it surely gets to me too. The woeful world: Japan, Libya. I am on sensory overload myself. I dreamt of Jim almost all night last night. I swear that my nonfunctioning radio alarm clock did something weird (can\'t recall now) and I just rolled over and said, \"thank you Jim\". I\'ve heard those that pass, here and other places can contact us through this sort of thing. It was a night, I tell ya. The weight of Twinkie on the bed next to me had me thinking it was Jim.

All I can think of is the words of a woman, my first online contact after my loss, Linda Sinard, who is a one person bereavement site. She said what gets her though the rough spots is helping others. She lost her son due to mysterious circumstances. Has a blog (may have taken it down) www.mysteryoriley.com. I told you about her. Now she\'s getting a degree in Interactive Psychology or something to learn to be a grief counselor professionally.

SO helping others is a good thing. It may drain us. We may fell the weight of the world on us, but doing something helps us!
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

Your presence does make a difference and I\'m sure you are just the healing balm that is needed. Even when we aren\'t sure if we do have anything to give we do and that is what I alway receive when I read your journals. Please replenish yourself when you can as I know this pulls on your heartstrings in a way that is far too familiar. You might be familiar with the one of the 12 step slogans? HALT. We can watch for the need to HALT and give ourselves special attention when we are feeling: Hungry or Angry or Lonely or Tired. My thoughts and positive affirmations are with each of you and I\'ll have my candle glowing all day long today in honor of healing for individuals and for our world. With love, Joanie
biowoman
biowoman

Sarah I think that because we are already living in pain and sorrow we feel others pain so much more easily. And right now .it is so easy to see the bad things they seem to be everywhere. I love that you know that helping others is a way to help them and help yourself as well. I know, that for me, this gives me purpose each day. And your kind and gentle way is so appreciated...here and I am sure in your non-cyber world too. Love and hugs to you...Karen
NoraMc
NoraMc

WE watch the NY news most nights, because Daniel is in the Bronx, I saw the dog, I cried, so much saddness, so many tears, Nora
KandL
KandL

Sarah, I am sorry to hear of the distress and pain that you are in. Just know that we understand. I am sure Aunt Betsy\'s illness has brought up so much pain for you. How could it not? You love her, you saw what this horrible disease did to Andy and you fear for her. And as Joanie said, the acronym HALT. When our bodies need some attention our mind will tell us. Control what you can by taking care of yourself. I know you are a huge support to your family. I\'m here when you need to let it out. I think you have my numbers but if you don\'t I\'ll message you. Please email, call me anytime. It is so true - helping others on this bittersweet journey of life is what its all about. And you being there for aunt Betsy a nd her family means so much. Your sisters are here for you. Love always to you and Andy, Linda
deleted_user
deleted_user

My heart bleeds for just about everybody, I swear I can find a sad sunbeam if I look hard enough. We do, indeed, live in a broken world. Only Christ can lift it out of us, so I continue to pray and do what I can to help others along the way. I am deluged with my own grief for my losses, and sometimes we heal our own pain by helping others with theirs. It\'s a slow process, but stitich by stitch, \"by His stripes, we are healed\". God bless you, I can feel your sorrow so deeply. I hope God blesses you with great news of some kind very soon.

Becky
deleted_user
deleted_user

I wish there was a way to speed up this whole grieving process and just get to the finish line of peace! Your being glad to help your Aunt Betsy and her family is proof of how wonderful you are. To step outside of your own pain, into the boxing ring again, knowing that a certain amount of pummeling awaits you, that is very courageous and self-giving, in my humble opinion, Sarah. Thank you for being inspiring despite being in the midst of such deep sorrow over Andy.
Love you, Donna
deleted_user
deleted_user

I had to return to this. Andy\'s photo... he looks like a Bedouin, a wanderer...hauntingly beautiful picture, Sarah.
inmemoryofhattie
inmemoryofhattie

...so much sorrow in the world, in lives..so much....sending a deep wish for your comfort and thanks for the difference you have made in my life and sorrow journey....