Two steps back

Well, I didn't make it to work again today.  Some mornings the grief is just too overwhelming and I can't force myself right now.  I have to let the grief come and work it's way with me.  It's hard sometimes because I want to be so  strong and stand up and take control, but I have to remind myself that if I don't deal with the grief now, I'll have to deal with it later.  There's so much that goes through my mind:  Why didn't I see that something was wrong?  Did Gene have any warning signs that he ignored?  Why did this have to happen to us?  We loved each other everyday and created a good life. Gene was a loving husband and father, a great friend, a patient mentor.  Why take him?  He was needed here!  He was loved here!  He is missed here!