Tuesday..Back to work
Back to work after the long weekend. I am really starting to like my apartment a lot. I have made it very cozy for me and the animals. Things are just as confusing as ever. I know he has been on his best behavior trying to convince me to move back in. Sometimes I feel as though I am crazy and I imagined the drinking. I think I need to go back and re-read my journals and remember how bad things were. I met a couple of guys for coffee and although I specified it was just as friends I still feel guilty. I just need to find some kind of balance between then and now.
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Good idea to re read your journals. Why feel guilty over checking out your options? Eric
maybe because he accused me of cheating for so long. And because he still spends the night at my place about once a week I guess in some ways it feels like we are still together.
As time moves along, you\'ll come to greater points of clarity in all this.
You were born to be an individual and not someone\'s appendage. There\'s not a law in the land or a cosmic law that says you have to be with and stay with anybody. There are plenty of resources for him to draw upon to support him and his habits.
He is Narcissistically arranged and you are not going to change that fact. His personality is fused and it\'s going to take a long time, with insight, for any changes to be made.
He more or less is frozen in a place and time where his original sense of abandonment took place. That is why he is so familiar with using charm, or threat, to try to lure you back. It\'s nothing personal about you...he\'d do that to anyone he had an attachment with.
But, his pride and his attachment addiction and drug addiction are things he uses to fight his own internal pain. He\'s not going to get his needs met properly as long as he does what he\'s doing now. Instead, he\'s going to have to find transparency and be willing to be vulnerable to ask someone to love him...and that\'s not likely to happen because his current way of doing things gives him a reflected sense of power and control. But, he\'s out of control regardless.
You are not in a position to educate him...you\'re too close.
Usually, the person doing the accusing is the one doing the cheating...