Tuesday already?-anxiety

Time has just flown by the last couple of day.  Couple of crazy busy days at work..no room to breathe. I don't even know where to begin about the last few days.  I did not end up talking to my boyfriend about our situation this weekend. I chickened out..It just never seemed like the right time and I could not put my thoughts into words.  Between the travel costs for my grandfather's death and the vet bill for the dog money is extremely tight right now and I'm trying not to panic over it.  He tells me don 't worry and has been buying most of the groceries and even bought me warmer work out clothes since the mornings have been pretty cold of late.  As usual I am super confused about our whole relationship.  He loves Remi as much as I do but he's such a softie when it comes to her begging for treats that he actually had to stand with his back to her so she could not give him the sad face. 
I am such a mess..anxiety again in the middle of the night and again this morning after we did not go to the gym..maybe I'm already used to that new routine and changing it kind of set me on edge. 
He is always making it out to his friends that I am the one who does not want sex.  It is true that for a while when I went on the meds I did not feel like it.  I have been feeling more normal at least in that department..maybe since both girls are regularly having a period it has put me back on track or something.  I asked him for it this weekend and kept bugging him til he gave in.  I don't know why..guess I was trying to reconnect with him.  He did not even kiss me at all and then ended up sleeping in the living room as usual. Am I so wrong to want that affection?
I keep thinking this is no way to live..we are like roommates..as he has said to me before.  when I think of leaving him and the kids though I start to feel the panic come over me.  I have no idea what i'm doing.  Maybe I am trying to force things to either get better or fall apart altogether. 
One of my property managers called me and asked me to look at an apartment last week.  She said she would not take no for an answer since there are only four units like this that have a large backyard for the dog...and I at least had to come see.  She too until recently lived with an alcoholic so it's something we have had in common.  I did go look at it but the rent is high and I doubt the company would give me an employee allowance.  I did ask the landscape manager if he thought he could get sod to make it back there.  My remi loves her grass and I could not take that away from her.
I am a coward though and I know I cannot do it.  It just didn't feel right.  Maybe it is easier to just keep living as things are.  A few friends here have been super supportive of late and I want them to know how much I truly appreciate all their efforts.