Tues July 5th

Back from the mountains.  It was ok...at least I did not feel sick while we were gone.  How can everything always be such a mess?  The 4th was just great...NOT.  We ended up not speaking ...he ate outside and I ate in the house..well what little I could force down anyway.  I went to bed early and slept right through the fireworks.  I am so numb I can't think of anything to even write here.  Summer should be about fun.  I can't even remember what that is anymore. 
My pain has been higher than usual this weekend and this morning is not any better.  I am sure that being in pain every day does nothing to help my mood.  I know I feel worse when it's been grinding on me for a few days.  I tried taking some more ibuprofen...not really helping much today.  People always say...really?  that's all you take?  Truth is not being in control makes the anxiety much worse and for a lot of drugs the kids dosage could have me drooling till next Tuesday so no matter now much it hurts I won't take prescription stuff.  I know I need to find a way to get out and get some more exercise, no matter how hot it is.  It always helps when I force things to keep moving around.