Trying to socialize again....
Well I unpacked a few more boxes and cleaned up the spare room in preparation for my new bookcases. I think they'll be here this week.
I joined a monthly book club and a monthly game club. It's been 3 years since I've been social. I've been thinking about what to do ever since Faith and I had our argument back in February. We didn't have the healthiest friendship. I'm so nervous about getting out with "normal" people again. Last time it bit me in the ass big time. I'm definitely not sharing the fact I'm bipolar with anybody. It's sad.
One thing that has been difficult about my bipolar illness is the support I've received from my loved ones. When I got sick my dad said "you know you got it from your mother." My mom said "you know you got it from your dad." My step mom said I was a "prodigal daughter" that had gone astray. My dad also tried to get me to experiment with every holistic approach because he thought my "psychic" abilities had just gotten out of control. My mom just thought I was possessed by demonic forces and felt prayer was the only solution. My husband just put a restraining order on me, changed the locks on the door, and filed for divorce (he perjured himself to get the restraining order). My brother and sister-in-law wanted me to keep it a secret from my adult nieces and nephew because they think the knowledge will damage the aunt relationship, and they also don't want their kids to worry about having this illness in their genetics. Over the years of dealing with this illness, the support improved a little. However, dad always being the perfectionist was saddened and disappointed I couldn't conquer it with "mind of matter" - I always feel I let him down. My mom and step mom stayed with the "prayer" regimen - they sort of made me feel like I was paying for sins. My brother stayed a little embarrassed by it but was solid as a rock for me - I think he's afraid it might be contagious or he might have it. Victor, surprisingly, has been the shining star. He never reacted well when I'd have an episode, but he always came back afterwards to help prop me up when I was trying to pick up the pieces. He has true empathy for me and I could FEEL it. He's a very compassionate person even if he can't handle stressful situations well.
I joined a monthly book club and a monthly game club. It's been 3 years since I've been social. I've been thinking about what to do ever since Faith and I had our argument back in February. We didn't have the healthiest friendship. I'm so nervous about getting out with "normal" people again. Last time it bit me in the ass big time. I'm definitely not sharing the fact I'm bipolar with anybody. It's sad.
One thing that has been difficult about my bipolar illness is the support I've received from my loved ones. When I got sick my dad said "you know you got it from your mother." My mom said "you know you got it from your dad." My step mom said I was a "prodigal daughter" that had gone astray. My dad also tried to get me to experiment with every holistic approach because he thought my "psychic" abilities had just gotten out of control. My mom just thought I was possessed by demonic forces and felt prayer was the only solution. My husband just put a restraining order on me, changed the locks on the door, and filed for divorce (he perjured himself to get the restraining order). My brother and sister-in-law wanted me to keep it a secret from my adult nieces and nephew because they think the knowledge will damage the aunt relationship, and they also don't want their kids to worry about having this illness in their genetics. Over the years of dealing with this illness, the support improved a little. However, dad always being the perfectionist was saddened and disappointed I couldn't conquer it with "mind of matter" - I always feel I let him down. My mom and step mom stayed with the "prayer" regimen - they sort of made me feel like I was paying for sins. My brother stayed a little embarrassed by it but was solid as a rock for me - I think he's afraid it might be contagious or he might have it. Victor, surprisingly, has been the shining star. He never reacted well when I'd have an episode, but he always came back afterwards to help prop me up when I was trying to pick up the pieces. He has true empathy for me and I could FEEL it. He's a very compassionate person even if he can't handle stressful situations well.
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