Trying not to get ahead of myself...
The day after halloween I guy I know from the time when my ex fiance and I met messaged me, completely out of the blue, after approx 4-5 years of no communication whatsoever. He was complimenting me on my halloween costume and make up (Jack skellington). We continued to talk and eventually flirt, and now he says he wants to move back here (he lives in Alberta & I'm in BC) to be together. Downfall, he is in a dead-end relationship and isn't happy, so he'd of course leave her. I don't want judgments, this is my journal & my life. He makes me feel incredible, he tells me how "gorgeous" I am and says he "can't get enough of me". I'm just afraid of letting my emotions run away from me in case it doesn't work out. We talked Monday, and had a skype date planned for Tuesday morning (11am-4pm ish) but I never heard from him, and today is now Wednesday, so I texted him just saying "hey" knowing he'd be at work, which is when he usually texts me. Part of me is afraid she found out. I suffer from anxiety, it's not a huge secret, so I know I'm likely just going into panic mode for no reason. It's just weird because we talk Every Day with the exception of weekends, so not hearing from him for 2 days is unnerving. To be honest, I miss him. I really do. I check my phone relentlessly... It's absurd. He normally texts me every weekday morning, and I now haven't heard from him in 2 days. I know it's not that long.. but it's still unpleasant. I'm really hoping to get a text from him tomorrow... I don't want to be that girl that constantly tries to message him and talk...I don't want to seem needy or clingy.. I just... want to hear from him again. We have a tendency to email if we can't text because she's around, emails he can check when he gets a chance and it doesn't notify him on his phone, texts on the other hand notify him and it's pretty obvious when someone is talking to someone new.... So I emailed him tuesday (afternoon-evening) just to say hello and tell him about my day so he didn't get concerned that he ruined it and made me wait around all day (he tends to feel bad and apologize for things, it's sweet, he's so considerate), and then today (wednesday) I texted him just simply saying "hey" while he was at work, just in case he took a day off and she was around (never know!) I didn't want anything incriminating to be in the message (ie. Hey babe, miss you, how are you?). I just....hate feeling this way. Anxious. Worried. I guses part of my concern is that it was Remembrance Day here in Canada on Tuesday and he served in the Army for 4 years (4 of the 4-5 we didn't speak) and I'm sure it wasn't exactly easy on him.. He doesn't like to talk about it much and I respect that completely, I know it's incredibly difficult and stressful. I know he went to Afghanistan...and there's pictures of him in full camo with guns.. but I truly don't know anything. One day I'm sure he'll share with me. I'm just hoping to hear from him again soon..hopefully tomorrow morning... I'm not going to message him again, not till after the weekend at least (unless he messages in the mean time of course) cause I don't want him to think of me as clingy.. I also don't want him to think I'm not thinking of him or I'm unphased by him not messaging me... seriously hate having an anxiety disorder. ugh.
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588 days sober if you don\'t include the accidental sip of alcohol I had :)