Triggered in session - did okay!

Some days are harder than others. Some days the weight of the world is on my chest. Forcing the air out of my lungs, making it impossible to get a breath. Today was one of those days. Today was hard. 

Overall the day went well, I was a competent counsellor for my clients. It was my last kid of the day, super sweet girl, and she shared her trauma history. She shared what happened, how it impacted her weekend when she had a "silent trigger", and how her partner responded. It was beautiful to hear how her partner tuned in, but it made my heart hurt for my own pain. Typically I can separate myself and my past from my clients, but my emotions are raw today. 

So here I am, in session, supporting this sweet girl to share her trauma... And I'm reliving mine. I'm feeling myself have sensory flashbacks. I'm picturing the people who hurt me. I'm sitting there, wishing I could take both our pain away. Wishing I could fix everything for her, or promise her that she'll get over it and it'll never come up again... But every survivor knows that's not true. So I grounded myself, the best I could in the moment. I had to be present for her, because this was her moment to share, this was her space. 

I recognize through this experience that I can handle myself when things get tough. I can push through my own internal reactions without saying "I get it. I've felt it. I feel it now." I was able to provide a safe space, let her share, validate her experience and her emotions. I know there's a space for my emotions too, it's now, after the session. It's Monday in my own session. It's with my supervisor mid-week if needed. It's any time not in session.