Too much to carry

My grief is too heavy and the sadness too much to carry around some days.  There are moments when all I want isjust one minute of peace, one moment that I feel normal.  But it doesn't happen.  Still the only peace I find is in sleeping.  Even when people are all around me I feel so lost and vulnerable.  Today I don't know how to make it through the tears.  i miss Gene so much and it seems to be getting worse instead of better.  He's gone from me forever, this I can't deny any longer.  The finality of it all is just overwhelming.  No more hugs, no more kisses, no more time together to do all the things we planned.  My life is an empty well, my heart broken, my soul aching. I can't look ahead and I can't look back.  I'm stuck here in this darkness that has become my life.