To my love

I miss you my love, everyday, every moment, more each day since you've been gone.  Not much has changed since the day you were taken away from us except that our lives will never be the same again without you.  I try every day to move forward, one small step at a time but there are more days when I walk backward losing myself in my grief.  Paul has been taking good care of me.  You taught him well.  He's building his own motorcycle and did a beautiful job painting it.  He's been living at my mom's house since she moved into an assisted living apartment.  He's also left Westlawn and gotten a new job as Executive Chef at a restaurant in Columbia.  He now has a full staff to supervise, more money and benefits.  He's very excited about it and starts next week.  He and the kids still come every Monday for dinner and we all miss your funny antics.  We tell stories about you and it makes me smile. 
I know in my heart that you wouldn't want me to be so sad, but my heart is broken and aches to hold you in my arms.  Just know that I am doing the best I can.  The kids have been worried about me because I don't get out much and don't really have the desire to do much.  The house is still the same way it was when you died.  I haven't changed anything.  Getting rid of your clothes was the hardest thing to do.  Kathy came and helped me with that.  I haven't touched your work room and can't bear to even go down there most days.  I still have your motorcycle jacket that still smells like you.  I put my face into it and cry just remembering all the rides we took and the places we went. 
Know that I still love you and always will.  You live in my heart and my soul is still yours.