Tired .. but not .. but tired
BPD and CFS.. lovely combination. I'm tired now. Its been 3 weeks of construction and I have had enough. Electrician's ripping apart the house, dust and debris everywhere , pretty depressing.
Dealing with roofers, masons, electricians, welders. Too many people, to many details to tend to, too much drama, too many physical and mental demands. I'm pretty much ready for it to be over. I want them all out!
Alas it is not to be. Everything is behind schedule. Welder got sick and hasn't shown up to work for a week. Cant utilize the addition until the security grills are installed. Welder still working on 1 of 6 panels so it would probably be January before he's done. So I hired another welder to do some of the panels. Keeping my fingers crossed, putting a lot of money in his hands , hope he doesn't let me down.
Roofer has me spitting nails this morning. Roofing is the largest part of this project budget and I increased the roofing budget by 20% to avoid a certain unwanted feature. Now the roof is almost done, there is the unwanted feature staring me in the face, after I spent so much money to avoid it. Not at all amused. I told the roofer he has to pull it down and redo it. That is not practical, I don't know what the solution is, waiting for the contractor to come talk to me..its going to be a showdown! ..and I thought I was doing such a good job of keeping my stress level down.
Mason's getting grumpy. They are taking much longer than expected and are now rushing, which is showing in the quality. They have had to chip out and redo some sections already. On top of that the electricians are wreaking havoc with the walls creating more work for the masons ...
Me .. I'm just tired. went to work yesterday but left mid-day because I was a vegetable. Now this is where BPD comes in .. can't unwind. Body is reeling with exhaustion but some part of my brain does not recognize that , its still going.. I need to rest but I cant. Trying meditation but the BPD child in me is way too impatient for that..it has me up by 3am each morning doing calculations, reconciling bills, laying out detailed workplans.. I really just want to sleep.
Hurting today.. need to be still .. hope I get the chance to be still for the rest of the day... although the ironic thing is when I'm busy I don't notice the pain so much, when I am still it amplifies.. sigh
PS : Hope you all had a great thanksgiving.
Dealing with roofers, masons, electricians, welders. Too many people, to many details to tend to, too much drama, too many physical and mental demands. I'm pretty much ready for it to be over. I want them all out!
Alas it is not to be. Everything is behind schedule. Welder got sick and hasn't shown up to work for a week. Cant utilize the addition until the security grills are installed. Welder still working on 1 of 6 panels so it would probably be January before he's done. So I hired another welder to do some of the panels. Keeping my fingers crossed, putting a lot of money in his hands , hope he doesn't let me down.
Roofer has me spitting nails this morning. Roofing is the largest part of this project budget and I increased the roofing budget by 20% to avoid a certain unwanted feature. Now the roof is almost done, there is the unwanted feature staring me in the face, after I spent so much money to avoid it. Not at all amused. I told the roofer he has to pull it down and redo it. That is not practical, I don't know what the solution is, waiting for the contractor to come talk to me..its going to be a showdown! ..and I thought I was doing such a good job of keeping my stress level down.
Mason's getting grumpy. They are taking much longer than expected and are now rushing, which is showing in the quality. They have had to chip out and redo some sections already. On top of that the electricians are wreaking havoc with the walls creating more work for the masons ...
Me .. I'm just tired. went to work yesterday but left mid-day because I was a vegetable. Now this is where BPD comes in .. can't unwind. Body is reeling with exhaustion but some part of my brain does not recognize that , its still going.. I need to rest but I cant. Trying meditation but the BPD child in me is way too impatient for that..it has me up by 3am each morning doing calculations, reconciling bills, laying out detailed workplans.. I really just want to sleep.
Hurting today.. need to be still .. hope I get the chance to be still for the rest of the day... although the ironic thing is when I'm busy I don't notice the pain so much, when I am still it amplifies.. sigh
PS : Hope you all had a great thanksgiving.
Replies
Wow! What a handful you have going on there girl.The positive point is it is temporary and will eventually be completed.So maybe visualizing that will get you through the stress of the now.Take it easy, make yourself rest and switch off.Also if you have to compromise a little on the construction and things aren\'t perfectly the way you planned, it may not be so bad.Your survival and health has to be the priority, especially when you have a young son as well.Hugs, Di
go see a movie. something action packed.........something you and your son can both enjoy. wrap up in an adventure out of the house for a bit. it\'s just a suggestion............ya gotta balance it all somehow........so you don\'t kill any home improvement dudes...............!!!! it\'s very hard to do life, take care of the details, live in the actual reno, work and find the sanity........maintain calm. just grab your little man, get in the car and do something together, where you can have some stillness and yet still use your mind too........another thing that my kids and I used to do......we would go to one of those places where you can pick out a piece, paint it and they fire it for you.........there is something soothing and interesting about the process and it\'s a memory for you and your son too! just a thought, you can tell me to shaddup at any time. lol..........i know you\'re up to your eyeballs in dust and worker kooks............but if it\'s dragging you down try using the door marked EXIT for a little while................love, hugs!!!!!!!