Thursday again
Thursdays are so long. I have a quiz tonight that I am (as usual) not ready for. My sinuses are crazy..worst headache in a long time. Must be the dry weather ...It's been a while since I had such a bad headache that it made me kinda sick to my stomach. Momma cat is helping me type..or so she thinks.
So I went to the cardiologist yesterday. I guess it was a good day to go..the pressure on my chest was the worst it's been in a while. The doc does not seem too concerned and although they are going to run a couple of tests..he thinks he will be controlling it with medication. My shrink seemed to think that if I go back on the Inderal that I might even be able to reduce my buspar dosage...since Inderal is also used for anxiety. Go figure, right? The worst part is that they not only want me to quit smoking..which I already knew they would say..but also am supposed to cut way down on the coffee...
Hi!, I'm Trish...I'm a coffee-a-holic...
Everyone around me is amused that I am way more upset about the coffee than the smoking. Sure, I still smoke, but not all that much..one pack can last me up to 4 days. Coffee? I am already on cup number two and it is not even 6am. I love my coffee...I drink it all day every day. OK fine...somehow I will find a substitute...herbal tea just doesn't work for me...maybe if I put a bunch of vanilla creamer in it? LOL
As of last night I had a 100% in my computer science class....I am not really sure where I am at in history...I know I can't always be perfect...but I should be.
HE kept texting me while I was in class..let me know when you are on your way home, you will do fine, etc... Usually when I get these messages it means he is well on his way up the beer meter. I just get a knot in my stomach and cannot concentrate. I hate that dread of not knowing what you are walking in to. When I got home though he was not as bad as I had expected. He got all teary eyed though and hugged me and said he did not want to lose me..all I can think of is why can't he be like that when he's sober? He is so drippy and sappy sweet...but with the silver bullet running full steam you have to use caution in your responses...one wrong response and it could be world war 3. It just makes me tired. He kept telling me he needs me....and I'm thinking...I'm sure you do...a second income and someone who puts up with the drinking. I'm not very nice I know...I just get so tired. It's the same song...day after day...year after year.
time to get ready for work..
So I went to the cardiologist yesterday. I guess it was a good day to go..the pressure on my chest was the worst it's been in a while. The doc does not seem too concerned and although they are going to run a couple of tests..he thinks he will be controlling it with medication. My shrink seemed to think that if I go back on the Inderal that I might even be able to reduce my buspar dosage...since Inderal is also used for anxiety. Go figure, right? The worst part is that they not only want me to quit smoking..which I already knew they would say..but also am supposed to cut way down on the coffee...
Hi!, I'm Trish...I'm a coffee-a-holic...
Everyone around me is amused that I am way more upset about the coffee than the smoking. Sure, I still smoke, but not all that much..one pack can last me up to 4 days. Coffee? I am already on cup number two and it is not even 6am. I love my coffee...I drink it all day every day. OK fine...somehow I will find a substitute...herbal tea just doesn't work for me...maybe if I put a bunch of vanilla creamer in it? LOL
As of last night I had a 100% in my computer science class....I am not really sure where I am at in history...I know I can't always be perfect...but I should be.
HE kept texting me while I was in class..let me know when you are on your way home, you will do fine, etc... Usually when I get these messages it means he is well on his way up the beer meter. I just get a knot in my stomach and cannot concentrate. I hate that dread of not knowing what you are walking in to. When I got home though he was not as bad as I had expected. He got all teary eyed though and hugged me and said he did not want to lose me..all I can think of is why can't he be like that when he's sober? He is so drippy and sappy sweet...but with the silver bullet running full steam you have to use caution in your responses...one wrong response and it could be world war 3. It just makes me tired. He kept telling me he needs me....and I'm thinking...I'm sure you do...a second income and someone who puts up with the drinking. I'm not very nice I know...I just get so tired. It's the same song...day after day...year after year.
time to get ready for work..
Replies
Not nice is OK - you are being honest and that is necessary to improving life.
YAY for the great grade in Comp Si!!!
I wonder, you have journaling and he has drinking - perhaps if you could get him into journaling? You know we gals are given a journal, usually at age 13, when we are then considered \'old enough\' to have \'real secrets\' we want to share with our journals. Guys are handed a beer and told to \'toughen up\' and \'act\' like a \'man\'. They never have the \'journal option\' presented to them - only beer. So, what if you could, gradually, very gradually, introduce him to journaling? After several months of this you may see he no longer has a \'need\' to drink so much and you may notice him instead \'expressing\' all those emotions he now \'drowns in booze\' with the therapy we know and LOVE - journaling!!!
When I gave up coffee - the REAL STUFF - I went to decaf. It worked for me. I\'m now a total tea drinker and sometimes that is only in \'spurts\'.
((hugs)) for a great day.
:-) Patricia
It is a lovely thought but that would mean acknowledging that he has an issue..according to him it is MY issue...I can live with it..or not. He knows about DS...all of my journals are public..he has never even been to the site. This is my \"addiction\" that keeps me from being with him(according to him) and gives him permission to drink. He has tried to push me into not being on this site..even made it seem as though I am cheating...I never realized what a great dating site it is.. LMAO
Just remember that one of the key ingredients to brainwashing is isolation.
Nobody has a right to isolate you. This doesn\'t bode well as this man sounds like a very immature and insecure person.
well...I am still here lol...He can push all he wants...I don\'t really give a shit LOL. The isolation part? I do that to myself..I always have. With all my friends I have here though...I\'m working on it. :)
Great! Nobody\'s going to know the you that is you if you don\'t get out some.
Isn\'t it great how they think it\'s OUR problem? They\'re the ones drinking themselves into oblivion and we\'re the ones keeping everything else on the homefront together, but yet we are the ones with the issues. I feel for you, girlfriend.
As for not drinking coffee anymore? OMG....I don\'t think I could live without mine! Good luck with that!
Awesome job on the Computer Science class too!
well he said I don\'t have to give it up all together...just get down to 2 or 3 cups a day...somehow..lol I know we are both on the same boat..it\'s funny how alcoholics behave in the same way.
Apparently, they\'re from the same mold!
that same song can be rewritten anytimeYOU chose to change it ... and tons of people are here (and where you are) to support you.
and the coffee? I wouldn\'t give that up for all the money in china, heheh
I thought I would try to get down to the three cups...we will see...Friday afternoons when I get home from work I usually make myself a fresh pot...he he..can she resist?? lol
I\'m trembling just at the thought of only three cups of coffee! Maybe if they were three GIANT cups! LOL Good luck!