Thursday 20170907

I actually ended up having a really good holiday weekend. I am dating a new guy named Brian. He lives about an hour from me up in the foothills. A couple of weeks ago we went to a concert at a vineyard that was also an overnight camping even...it was a blast and I really enjoyed the people that we went with.

This past holiday weekend he asked me to come up and stay. We stayed up til like one in the morning talking and looking up 80’s hair band videos on you tube. It was dumb, but fun. We took both of our dogs swimming at a nearby lake. Remi had never been swimming like that before and she actually took to it really well. She also really likes him…a good sign…always trust your dog’s instincts. It was a super-hot weekend here and there were all kinds of heat advisories so it was fun even though there was a ton of algae in the water.After we wore them out at the lake, we went back and had some lunch and watched a movie. After that, he took me down to his parents’ ranch and we had a nice sunset ride on the horses. Yes, Horses!!! I have soooo missed having the horses in my life.

I have no idea where this thing is going to go, but I feel like he’s kind of good for me right now. He gets me out of my comfort zone for sure. He works a LOT of hours and is not ready to have his kids meet anyone, which I understand. Just going to take it a day at a time and see how things go.

After I got back home my mood really tanked though. It’s weird having the feeling that you are outside yourself looking in… I was looking in thinking…there is really something wrong with your brain. I can see that things are going ok and there is not really a reason for my mood to be so dark and sad. ….and yet that is exactly what it was. That is when I know that there is some truth to the chemical imbalance theory…when you can actually see that there is something unreasonably wrong. This weekend I will be alone again. We will see how well I hold up this time. I thought about going to my mom’s but I know I should not spend the money to go down there. Still chewing on that one for now.