Thurs Sept 8,2011
I had a whole journal page written here and lost it cause I am so stupid I hit the wrong button and there is no auto-draft on this site.
Slightly anxious as I went to sleep last night...not enough to get up and take anything though. Woke at 3am...thought for sure I was going to be sick...bad dreams I know but cannot remember any details.
Alarm goes off....still feel sick..half cup of coffee stays down. Did I wash my hands well after class? becoming OCD at the thought of getting sick?
I should have felt free yesterday...time to do whatever I wanted between work and class. Instead it just reminds me how truly alone I am.
Went to Barnes and noble...got a coffee and messed with my Nook. I am still very disappointed that I cannot journal on my nook...or chat for that matter.
He texts me to tell me he's proud of me and be safe going and coming home from school...when he's sweet I feel like an ass. Then I get home and remember...oh yeah but it's more like we are roommates...we don't share a bedroom anymore. He never lies next to me. Never holds my hand in the night like he did that firsti time when we first met. I asked him about it once... He said that was different because it was new... I have never stopped wanting that so I guess I am the one who is different.
NO one should have to be in pain all the time...it's not really about how much it hurts...it's that it hurts all the time...like the constant ticking of a loud clock..you cannot escape it and after a while you think it's driving you insane...well more insane than you already were.
Just escape back into my books and never come out. Reality hurts way too much.
Slightly anxious as I went to sleep last night...not enough to get up and take anything though. Woke at 3am...thought for sure I was going to be sick...bad dreams I know but cannot remember any details.
Alarm goes off....still feel sick..half cup of coffee stays down. Did I wash my hands well after class? becoming OCD at the thought of getting sick?
I should have felt free yesterday...time to do whatever I wanted between work and class. Instead it just reminds me how truly alone I am.
Went to Barnes and noble...got a coffee and messed with my Nook. I am still very disappointed that I cannot journal on my nook...or chat for that matter.
He texts me to tell me he's proud of me and be safe going and coming home from school...when he's sweet I feel like an ass. Then I get home and remember...oh yeah but it's more like we are roommates...we don't share a bedroom anymore. He never lies next to me. Never holds my hand in the night like he did that firsti time when we first met. I asked him about it once... He said that was different because it was new... I have never stopped wanting that so I guess I am the one who is different.
NO one should have to be in pain all the time...it's not really about how much it hurts...it's that it hurts all the time...like the constant ticking of a loud clock..you cannot escape it and after a while you think it's driving you insane...well more insane than you already were.
Just escape back into my books and never come out. Reality hurts way too much.
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