Thurs Aug 25, 2011

Finally, it's Thursday.  Thurs is starting to feel like Friday since we are on half day Furlough.  I guess it's too soon to say if this is any permanent progress but I feel this week as if something inside me has changed.  I would not exactly say I am still angry with him for the treatment I got on (was it only?) Monday...but It is not back to business as usual by any means. I did not deserve to be treated that way.  The only reason he wants me to go this weekend is so I'm not here by myself. You know, because I am such a cheater.  Hell, If I had a dime for every time he has said that I might be able to retire. lol. I am polite but not speaking to him unless it is necessary.  I find I don't really have anything to say...I'm not trying to give him the silent treatment.  I just realized he's not being my friend...hasn't been for a long time.  I'm going to go this weekend just to keep the peace. It's not like I had any real plans except to maybe spend some time with the horses.  Thing that really makes me mad is I say that I want to get some riding in during the two weeks I am off of school...he smiles and agrees and then makes sure we have all these plans so I can't go. There is no reason for me to sit on my ass in the bay area while he's helping to build a fence when I could be home getting all the laundry and grocery shopping done and not start out the week behind like we usually do and then I could have gone riding as well.  The only reason he is so mad is he does not trust me. 
I was reading this article on manipulation by an alcoholic:
Codependents typically lose their self-esteem and eventually find themselves exclusively focused on the needs of an alcoholic. Their ability to take care of their own legitimate emotional needs dissolves.
They are made to feel guilty if they speak up for themselves, or indeed even speak their own mind in some instances. They are blamed for everything that happens. They walk on eggshells, giving an alcoholic a wide berth, only to find themselves mowed down anyway. They find themselves in one-sided relationships where they give more than they receive. They fill in the emotional blanks when their alcoholic loved one doesn’t respond to them the way a “normal” person would.
Read more at Suite101: Are You Being Manipulated by an Alcoholic?: Alcoholics Manipulate Others with Emotional Tactics | Suite101.com http://www.suite101.com/content/are-you-being-manipulated-by-an-alcoholic-a118294#ixzz1W4POCLNE



sounds kinda familiar