Thought I was doing ok

I thought I was making steps in the right direction, but today I'm falling apart again.  I woke up crying and now I can't seem to stop.  I miss Gene every moment of every day and it doesn't seem to get any easier for me.  It's not that I'm not trying to move forward.  I walked down to watch the fireworks last night by myself.  It's the first time I've actually felt lonely.  There were so many people around and there I was standing all by myself watching the world go on, everyone having so much fun.  Maybe it wasn't such a good idea.  Then I've been washing Gene's laundry for the last two days.  I've got it nearly done just one more load to fold.  I'm truly trying to make some kind of life out of this mess I'm in, but today all I can seem to do is cry and I'm missing Gene so much. It's like a knife stabbing my heart. Ok.  Trying to pull myself together now.  I'm going to go weed the garden and get through a load of paperwork that's been waiting for my attention.  Hope you all have a great 4th of July.