This Friday Marks TWO YEARS of Counting Time
Bereavement... It's been two years since I have been hungry for food. I have had myriad things fall on my head in my life - metaphorically speaking of course...but so much that is sounds like a comdedy show, not a real life of a person who's momma died; then daughter moved out, then termites destroyed the laundry room, then the spa needed 10 grand worth of repair , the whole house needed to be painted, OUTSIDE, then her front tooth needed to be pulled and it took nearly two years to get the finished product; including living 6 months with a removable front tooth...and sometimes removable not at will but by accident. Go figure. Vanity is not for the faint at heart. And now, fuck vanity. But then again, I am wanting to hold on to what ever might be left of my youth as this November I jump over the 50 year old fence and will be forever on the other side of youth.
More transpired. Work related issues, moving from one office to anther, having tenants move into the home my husband and I bought and we shared for ten years with a puppy and a growing daughter. The puppy is now 11 and the growing daughter has grown and gone. But the people who rented from us the first year, destroyed our foliage to the tune of 14, 000 dollars worth of damage. Attorney's had to be called and paid for. Long drama. We had a month to get it all ironed out and itemized before the new tenants took occupancy in August...and well these things fall on me, not my husband... as he is a right brain guy and I am an ambidextrous brain type. Both work just fine...to my disadvantage in life. I have way too much to do always, just because I can.
So anyway...life has been full and relentless during the last two years since mom took her last breath. And her gifts are endless and loving and kind. It is getting easier to understand my developmentally disabled brother, though a year of tears and melt downs on my side, one might question just exactly who here is developmentally disabled. And I have medication to prove it. Anti anxiety meds, anti depression meds, and lots of ibuprofen and muscle relaxants and pain meds for all the rotten things in my body wreaking havoc..oh and did I mention 8 months after mom's passing, I was diagnosed with hereditary Hemochromatosis? Yep another lovely - and all these pile on ailments and dilemmas I would normally call my momma and we would go over them and she would give me strength to move about the cabin more freely. She always had such amazing insight to how to handle stress, my husband, my daughter, and even the sweet animals...which we both loved with equal zeal. That is what I miss the most. Having her EAR, and hearing what she would offer to enhance my perspective and usually she talked me off ledges and flying off handles...and hopefully I haven't done too much of that - because I have a saint as a husband. Yes - but don't tell him I said so. I will be forever trying to get him to live it down.
So as the week screeches to Friday with the television reminding the world America was attacked and many, many lost their innocent lives, through not fault of their own; but through an act of senseless war, I say hello to year number three - and mark it by not having masses said on her death day, but on her birthday this day forward.
I thank EVERYONE on DAILY STRENGTH for being my rock, my shoulder and my MOM in the darkest times of my life. I will continue to enter my journal...and keep up with all of you. But for now, life is on my side and death will always be in the shadows - except now, death is not a stranger but my mom, and I welcome my time for I know she will be on the other side to welcome me. Blessings to all. Love Haynes.
More transpired. Work related issues, moving from one office to anther, having tenants move into the home my husband and I bought and we shared for ten years with a puppy and a growing daughter. The puppy is now 11 and the growing daughter has grown and gone. But the people who rented from us the first year, destroyed our foliage to the tune of 14, 000 dollars worth of damage. Attorney's had to be called and paid for. Long drama. We had a month to get it all ironed out and itemized before the new tenants took occupancy in August...and well these things fall on me, not my husband... as he is a right brain guy and I am an ambidextrous brain type. Both work just fine...to my disadvantage in life. I have way too much to do always, just because I can.
So anyway...life has been full and relentless during the last two years since mom took her last breath. And her gifts are endless and loving and kind. It is getting easier to understand my developmentally disabled brother, though a year of tears and melt downs on my side, one might question just exactly who here is developmentally disabled. And I have medication to prove it. Anti anxiety meds, anti depression meds, and lots of ibuprofen and muscle relaxants and pain meds for all the rotten things in my body wreaking havoc..oh and did I mention 8 months after mom's passing, I was diagnosed with hereditary Hemochromatosis? Yep another lovely - and all these pile on ailments and dilemmas I would normally call my momma and we would go over them and she would give me strength to move about the cabin more freely. She always had such amazing insight to how to handle stress, my husband, my daughter, and even the sweet animals...which we both loved with equal zeal. That is what I miss the most. Having her EAR, and hearing what she would offer to enhance my perspective and usually she talked me off ledges and flying off handles...and hopefully I haven't done too much of that - because I have a saint as a husband. Yes - but don't tell him I said so. I will be forever trying to get him to live it down.
So as the week screeches to Friday with the television reminding the world America was attacked and many, many lost their innocent lives, through not fault of their own; but through an act of senseless war, I say hello to year number three - and mark it by not having masses said on her death day, but on her birthday this day forward.
I thank EVERYONE on DAILY STRENGTH for being my rock, my shoulder and my MOM in the darkest times of my life. I will continue to enter my journal...and keep up with all of you. But for now, life is on my side and death will always be in the shadows - except now, death is not a stranger but my mom, and I welcome my time for I know she will be on the other side to welcome me. Blessings to all. Love Haynes.
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