Third time is NOT a charm...
Hello my DS ladies,
Well,I'm sad to report that there is no baby Johnson this month, hubby didn't get the gift of life that I wanted to give him for his 30th birthday. I'm feeling a mixture of emotions right now, mostly anger. I'm sure like most of you, I just don't understand why everything has to be so hard. I'm also sad, depressed, envious, but I can't help but really feel that I really did to everything in my power up to this point in order to make this happen. I know that I really need to just cry this out and let myself feel it, but I haven't gotten to that point yet. AF showed up this morning and I just knew it the whole weekend. I even decided to drink wine at the casino because I knew. I was gearig up for the windstorm of emotions I knew I was going to feel. Now I need to schedule an appt with my RE sometime next week to figure out the next step. I think he might give me the choice to do a 4th IUI but to be quite honest I'm done with those. I don't see how people do more than 4 since your chances don't go up. I'm so over IUI and I'm ready for IVF. Funny that before I was worried about doing IVF because it's so invasive, I was afraid if it was going to be painful..now I 'm just like "let's do this!", no fear, just hope. I think that the best decision would be to let myself get through the holidays, clense my body of all these hormones, get my mind right and happy again, then tackle the IVF journey in January.
Not to mention, like many homeowners, we've had to throw money to our "money pit" of a home....spent 1k on plumbing issues that just came up this weekend.... I try not to feel sorry for myself but I really do feel like there is a dark cloud over our heads these days.
DH is taking it pretty well. When we were at the casino for his bday this weekend, we were drinking and he mentioned that he fears that I would want a baby so bad that I would go get it from someone else. I was shocked to hear this since Marcus really doesn't show his insecurities like I do. I told him since we both have the an issue that I could think the same thing about him. He keeps telling me that we are in this together and that he married be because he loves me, not to have babies. I just hope he means it.
Okay so tears are coming now...I hate this! My heart is broken once again and here I go having to pick myself back up. I am somewhat relieved that I know now and am not waiting, it's like a load off my shoulders, not sure if that's weird or not but now I can move on and figure somthing else out.
Thanks for reading and for all of the support. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have you DS gals.
KJ
Well,I'm sad to report that there is no baby Johnson this month, hubby didn't get the gift of life that I wanted to give him for his 30th birthday. I'm feeling a mixture of emotions right now, mostly anger. I'm sure like most of you, I just don't understand why everything has to be so hard. I'm also sad, depressed, envious, but I can't help but really feel that I really did to everything in my power up to this point in order to make this happen. I know that I really need to just cry this out and let myself feel it, but I haven't gotten to that point yet. AF showed up this morning and I just knew it the whole weekend. I even decided to drink wine at the casino because I knew. I was gearig up for the windstorm of emotions I knew I was going to feel. Now I need to schedule an appt with my RE sometime next week to figure out the next step. I think he might give me the choice to do a 4th IUI but to be quite honest I'm done with those. I don't see how people do more than 4 since your chances don't go up. I'm so over IUI and I'm ready for IVF. Funny that before I was worried about doing IVF because it's so invasive, I was afraid if it was going to be painful..now I 'm just like "let's do this!", no fear, just hope. I think that the best decision would be to let myself get through the holidays, clense my body of all these hormones, get my mind right and happy again, then tackle the IVF journey in January.
Not to mention, like many homeowners, we've had to throw money to our "money pit" of a home....spent 1k on plumbing issues that just came up this weekend.... I try not to feel sorry for myself but I really do feel like there is a dark cloud over our heads these days.
DH is taking it pretty well. When we were at the casino for his bday this weekend, we were drinking and he mentioned that he fears that I would want a baby so bad that I would go get it from someone else. I was shocked to hear this since Marcus really doesn't show his insecurities like I do. I told him since we both have the an issue that I could think the same thing about him. He keeps telling me that we are in this together and that he married be because he loves me, not to have babies. I just hope he means it.
Okay so tears are coming now...I hate this! My heart is broken once again and here I go having to pick myself back up. I am somewhat relieved that I know now and am not waiting, it's like a load off my shoulders, not sure if that's weird or not but now I can move on and figure somthing else out.
Thanks for reading and for all of the support. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have you DS gals.
KJ
Replies
I am so sorry. It really is heartbreaking every time. Every negative must made me feel further and further from my goal. Month after month of that is brutal.
I\'m glad you are thinking IVF. I really recommend looking at your clinics stats. You might like them, but you want to make sure they have strong numbers for IVF. Are they the best in the area? Do they do enough cycles? A lot of IVF is responding to the exact patient, but not all places do that. IVF is expensive and a lot of mental and physical work- you want to be at the best place you can be. All places are NOT created equal. I liked my last RE, they responded to me as a patient (which is why I stayed there) but their stats weren\'t great and had I looked into it, I would have been at my current clinic 14 months earlier. That is a baby!