Third time is NOT a charm...
Hello my DS ladies,
Well,I'm sad to report that there is no baby Johnson this month, hubby didn't get the gift of life that I wanted to give him for his 30th birthday. I'm feeling a mixture of emotions right now, mostly anger. I'm sure like most of you, I just don't understand why everything has to be so hard. I'm also sad, depressed, envious, but I can't help but really feel that I really did to everything in my power up to this point in order to make this happen. I know that I really need to just cry this out and let myself feel it, but I haven't gotten to that point yet. AF showed up this morning and I just knew it the whole weekend. I even decided to drink wine at the casino because I knew. I was gearig up for the windstorm of emotions I knew I was going to feel. Now I need to schedule an appt with my RE sometime next week to figure out the next step. I think he might give me the choice to do a 4th IUI but to be quite honest I'm done with those. I don't see how people do more than 4 since your chances don't go up. I'm so over IUI and I'm ready for IVF. Funny that before I was worried about doing IVF because it's so invasive, I was afraid if it was going to be painful..now I 'm just like "let's do this!", no fear, just hope. I think that the best decision would be to let myself get through the holidays, clense my body of all these hormones, get my mind right and happy again, then tackle the IVF journey in January.
Not to mention, like many homeowners, we've had to throw money to our "money pit" of a home....spent 1k on plumbing issues that just came up this weekend.... I try not to feel sorry for myself but I really do feel like there is a dark cloud over our heads these days.
DH is taking it pretty well. When we were at the casino for his bday this weekend, we were drinking and he mentioned that he fears that I would want a baby so bad that I would go get it from someone else. I was shocked to hear this since Marcus really doesn't show his insecurities like I do. I told him since we both have the an issue that I could think the same thing about him. He keeps telling me that we are in this together and that he married be because he loves me, not to have babies. I just hope he means it.
Okay so tears are coming now...I hate this! My heart is broken once again and here I go having to pick myself back up. I am somewhat relieved that I know now and am not waiting, it's like a load off my shoulders, not sure if that's weird or not but now I can move on and figure somthing else out.
Thanks for reading and for all of the support. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have you DS gals.
KJ
Well,I'm sad to report that there is no baby Johnson this month, hubby didn't get the gift of life that I wanted to give him for his 30th birthday. I'm feeling a mixture of emotions right now, mostly anger. I'm sure like most of you, I just don't understand why everything has to be so hard. I'm also sad, depressed, envious, but I can't help but really feel that I really did to everything in my power up to this point in order to make this happen. I know that I really need to just cry this out and let myself feel it, but I haven't gotten to that point yet. AF showed up this morning and I just knew it the whole weekend. I even decided to drink wine at the casino because I knew. I was gearig up for the windstorm of emotions I knew I was going to feel. Now I need to schedule an appt with my RE sometime next week to figure out the next step. I think he might give me the choice to do a 4th IUI but to be quite honest I'm done with those. I don't see how people do more than 4 since your chances don't go up. I'm so over IUI and I'm ready for IVF. Funny that before I was worried about doing IVF because it's so invasive, I was afraid if it was going to be painful..now I 'm just like "let's do this!", no fear, just hope. I think that the best decision would be to let myself get through the holidays, clense my body of all these hormones, get my mind right and happy again, then tackle the IVF journey in January.
Not to mention, like many homeowners, we've had to throw money to our "money pit" of a home....spent 1k on plumbing issues that just came up this weekend.... I try not to feel sorry for myself but I really do feel like there is a dark cloud over our heads these days.
DH is taking it pretty well. When we were at the casino for his bday this weekend, we were drinking and he mentioned that he fears that I would want a baby so bad that I would go get it from someone else. I was shocked to hear this since Marcus really doesn't show his insecurities like I do. I told him since we both have the an issue that I could think the same thing about him. He keeps telling me that we are in this together and that he married be because he loves me, not to have babies. I just hope he means it.
Okay so tears are coming now...I hate this! My heart is broken once again and here I go having to pick myself back up. I am somewhat relieved that I know now and am not waiting, it's like a load off my shoulders, not sure if that's weird or not but now I can move on and figure somthing else out.
Thanks for reading and for all of the support. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have you DS gals.
KJ
Replies
Oh Kristen. I\'m so, so sorry. This sucks! I will never understand why the people who want babies the most are denied them.
I think you\'re right in thinking it\'s time to move on to IVF. I kind of think that when it\'s time, we find ourselves being ready, no more fear.
I know nothing I say can make it better, but please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you and your husband.
I\'m so sorry. IF sucks and is just so unfair. I think moving forward with IVF sounds like a good option and I\'m hoping it brings you your long awaited BFP! Hugs
I\'m so sorry.....IF is a rough journey that none of us deserve. I also did 3 IUI\'s before moving on to IVF. I think you are right about waiting until after the holidays to settle down to start IVF. Take some time for yourself and get your mind right before you go down that path. Good luck and try to cheer up!!
I\'m very sorry to hear this news! I absolutely feel for you. I know this probably doesn\'t \"help\" but this particular journal entry just really resonated with me and I think your plan makes A LOT of sense and is actually making me think about some of my own preconceived notions about this IF journey. So thank you for being open and honest. I send you lots of hugs and wishes of comfort while you deal with your emotions this cycle...and I really wish you the best in the future!
Thank you everyone for being so supportive, these are the times when I\'m at my lowest and really need it. @dreamer3782, I\'m glad that this might help you make a decision to go into another direction if something isn\'t working for you. I honestly wasn\'t ready to move forward with IVF until now, deperate times equals desperate measurse, I refuse to give up on my dream!
I am so sorry Kristin :/ IF is so unfair and it breaks my heart that you are once again facing the hurt and loss of hope for what could have been and as far as I am concerned what should have been! I know in my heart that you will be a mommy some day and you will be a fan-fucking-tastic mommy!!!! You\'re babies will be so loved, so blessed and so fortunate to have such a strong, beautiful and wonderful mommy!
I think your plan to get healthy (physically and emotionally), enjoy the holidays and get ready for IVF is a great idea.
I know the rest of the week may be a bit tough but I hope that you are able to find some peace and joy, even if only a little each day!
Thinking of you and sending you big ol hugs!
I\'m so sad to hear this. I know we were all really hoping this would be it for you. I love what your hub said about marrying you because he loves you, and I 100% believe that. I know IF can make us question so many other things/people in our lives, but he sounds like a true partner. Your plan sounds solid. Take a couple months and start 2014 with a bang. Thinking about you hun.
I am sorry, this made me have tears in my eyes I know exactly how you feel and just know you are not alone. I agree with you I think you should start thinking about IVF it is more expensive but you are right your chances don\'t go up with each IUI, and with IVF you can get better insight into what you are working with. Big hugs to you :)
I too know how you feel and I\'m so very sorry. I think I even had a journal that said 3rd time isn\'t the charm, last year after my 3rd IUI. I can\'t remember if you have had a laparoscopy yet but if not I highly recommend getting one before you move on to IVF. If I hadn\'t done one and I had done IVF before getting my endo removed it may have been a waste of money. I am glad your hubby is there for you. He sounds amazing. Us IF gals need strong men like that. Thinking of you. xoxo
I\'m so sorry to hear this! My heart hurts knowing you are going thru something no one should ever have to go through. I\'m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! Know your girls are here for you :) Big hugs!!!
i\'m so very sorry about the BFN :-( I did 5 IUIs and i wish I hadn\'t done that many. I just kept thinking \"what if the next one works!!\" Then finally in the midst of my 5th IUI, I asked my RE at what point do they start thinking this route just isn\'t going to work? She said after 4. I was like gee, thanks for telling me, as I shell out more $$$ for this wasted IUI. While it makes me so very sad that you have to do it at all, i\'m very happy to hear that you are ready and have a plan to prepare yourself for an IVF. And keep the communication with your hubby going! It sounds like that was a very special moment between you too and something you really needed to hear :-) xoxo
I\'m sending you lots of hugs from Michigan! So sorry this wasn\'t your month :( I have the same IVF feelings as you do. I wish the less invasive method could have worked for you :( thinking of you and sorry for your heartbreak
So sorry to hear about your bfn .
I\'m so sorry to hear that it didn\'t work. I know how you feel. We did three IUIs before we said...\"screw this...IVF\"!! Keep the faith and never loose hope!!
Hugs your way!!!
I\'m so sorry :( Every one of us knows your pain and frustration. I hope you can get some peace and happiness during some down time then move forward with hope whenever you\'re ready. Thinking of you!