The nerve

When I was going up, my cousin sexually abuse me from 5-12. I was scared to tell anyone, until I was talking to a friend from youth group they stayed beside when I told my parents. Of course there has been other that I will never speak of. The point for this vent, my mother tells that my aunt wanted my father to take in her son that did those things. The reason for that is he trying to get out of prison and he can not live where there are young girls living in the house. I have a niece that is 4yrs. Is she crazy! The nerve your son got out what he did to me and now you want my father to choose hers or his. Of course you know he made an excuse, but still the nerve to ask! 
My father been looking for his family and he found out some information. He said to me I sorry if has happen with my cousin. I was so angry, why are you bring this up, I can not believe we are talking about this?
I went to counseling today, I just wanted to tell her that I want to harm myself because I can not control the racing thoughts. If I do not get help I will take matter in my own hands