The Good, The Bad, And the Monday...
It started off ok like yesterday...although I woke at like 330 and never really got back to sleep. I did get up and do all the things that I didn't do last night because I was a basket case.
By the time I was getting ready for work, the waterworks had started again. Already crying again by the time I got to work, I called my mom having a melt down. I felt a little better after talking to her. She suggested I take another half a buspar. I did as she suggested.
The good news is that I have stopped crying.
The bad news is that I feel really off, floaty, sleepy, weird, and that is freaking me out. I am trying to realize it's just the meds and it will pass and that I am not going to die or pass out.
I have taken an extra half at night before but never during the day when I needed to be focused. Bad Tidings.
Steve has been my rock for 15 years in the anxiety department. Even if he had a drinking problem, I could always turn to him when I was having anxiety and he was there. Now he is not and I am completely lost. I also feel like my anger at him is fading and now I am finally feeling the loss. This floaty kind of dizziness is starting to make me feel sick.
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hey- everything u are describing how u feel, is EXACTLY what Im feeling, and its something else, I will PM u- my thoughts on this- also- as I logged on I was thinking of naming a journal the good the bad and the (? was thinking of a rhyming word) and YOURS is the first journal I see..trippy..
Hang in there. The 15 years you spent with your S/O and the things you endured did not happen overnight and these feelings of loss and anxiety didn't happen over night either. These things take time to wane. Take things a day at a time and realize that things will get better. It's a bumpy ride at times but, you can and will get through it. I am always here for you.