The fog is lifting
I feel as though the "fog" I've heard about after losing someone is beginning to lift. I'm feeling worse instead of better this weekend. I've spent the better part of both days in bed sleeping just to escape the pain. This morning I was screaming that I want Gene back, I just want him back. I'd give anything to have him back. Nothing in this physical world is worth losing him over. No matter how hard I try, I just can't stop crying. I got myself out to Walmart today and cried all the way home. My mom called, I cried. My sister called, I cried. And now I just want to crawl back into bed and escape because I don't know how much more I can take. Thank goodness I see my grief counselor on Tuesday. It's a small goal to make it til then, but a goal none the less. Every little goal leads me through to the next day, and the next day. My son met me at Walmart to look at riding mowers and guess what, they don't sell them anymore, at least not the one here. So the hunt is on. I don't need some giant tractor like they sell at Home Depot, just a simple riding mower. Why does everything have to be so hard?