Sweltering Day
As hard as it is for me to be in the house on the weekends, it's so sweltering outside all ready this morning I think I'm going to have to find some "inside" work to do. Just got done cleaning out my car, what a mess. It still needs vacuumed but that will have to wait for cooler weather. I'm making fajitas for the kids for dinner tomorrow night, so I've got a bunch of beef to cut up and marinade. I'm still trying to find the strength to go through the pile of Gene's clothes that I washed. It's taking up a lot of space in the bedroom and I don't know which is harder, looking at it or going through it. My friend, Kathy, will be here next weekend to go to a local festival with me, so maybe I can have her help me get it done. It's been five months and two days since Gene's been gone. Some times it feels just like yesterday and some days it feels like an eternity without him. All I can do is try to keep myself busy and try to get through the really bad days as best I can. I'm still living moment by moment. It's all I can do. I didn't go to the party yesterday, just as well. There would have been some people there that I just couldn't deal with feeling as vulnerable as I do. I use to feel there was so much to do and so little time. Now I feel like there's so much time and so little to do. I guess because so much seems so unimportant. I don't care anymore if the furniture is dusted or the beds are made. I think alot about all the little things that Gene would do that would annoy me and now, too late, realize just how much I miss them.
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5 months and a day for me. It seems almost crazy that we are on opposite coasts and have never met but are feeling exactly the same emotions! It helps me to read your journal entries, to know that my feelings are just part of the process. A couple of times this week I felt momentarily like myself. I had cooler weather for a few days so that helped. I\'m with you!
I understand your pain. It is going to be 7 weeks since my husband passed away and like you it feels like yesterday and other times it feels like an eternity. Time plays havoc on us because we feel like it passes by so slowly or too quickly. I use to spend my weekends with him and now I find that I don\'t know what to do with myself on the weekends. I don\'t like them because it reminds me when we just used to sit on the couch and watch TV or listen to music or would spend the time cooking together. I cannot listen to music because it brings back to much memories and I have not really cooked because it is to painful. My house needs to be cleaned but I cannot bring myself to doing it and I remember that he was always so proud of how I kept it so clean. I have to do it but it is so painful to see his stuff and I don\'t want to remove it from where he left it. I love him and miss him so much. I hope that someday we may be able to remember them with a smile and not with tears. Hope you have a great day. Lots of hugs Linda
Oh honey, please just know how much I love you!!!!!!!!!