Sweltering Day

As hard as it is for me to be in the house on the weekends, it's so sweltering outside all ready this morning I think I'm going to have to find some "inside" work to do.  Just got done cleaning out my car, what a mess.  It still needs vacuumed but that will have to wait for cooler weather.  I'm making fajitas for the kids for dinner tomorrow night, so I've got a bunch of beef to cut up and marinade. I'm still trying to find the strength to go through the pile of Gene's clothes that I washed.  It's taking up a lot of space in the bedroom and I don't know which is harder, looking at it or going through it.  My friend, Kathy, will be here next weekend to go to a local festival with me, so maybe I can have her help me get it done.   It's been five months and two days since Gene's been gone.  Some times it feels just like yesterday and some days it feels like an eternity without him.  All I can do is try to keep myself busy and try to get through the really bad days as best I can.  I'm still living moment by moment.  It's all I can do.  I didn't go to the party yesterday, just as well.  There would have been some people there that I just couldn't deal with feeling as vulnerable as I do.   I use to feel there was so much to do and so little time.  Now I feel like there's so much time and so little to do.  I guess because so much seems so unimportant.  I don't care anymore if the furniture is dusted or the beds are made.  I think alot about all the little things that Gene would do that would annoy me and now, too late, realize just how much I miss them.