super down now

Ok, so I just got off the phone with my mom, and a very close family member is very ill, probably not going to live too much longer.  My mom thinks I'm an atheist, I'm Buddhist, which means, not quiet an atheist, more like a spiritual person who does not pray to God as we believe it is impossible for Man to understand what God is, if he is,  basically like there's not one spirit that created everything.  I feel helpless, and extremely depressed.  This is the way of samsara, this is natural and this is why we want to leave samsara.  It is supposed to generate the wish to renounce samsara,  I've felt that my entire life.