sunday July 31 2011

Random thoughts....  It's been an ok weekend.  No real anxiety to speak of.  I actually had a pretty relaxing day with a girlfriend.  We went shopping so I could spend the giftcards I got for birthday.  Having the extra half day off on Friday allowed me to get nearly all the laundry done before the weekend even began. 
Of course Sat night was pretty lonely though since he was drinking while I was out shopping and was asleep even earlier than usual...shortly after dinner he was out.  I read for a while and at least it was peaceful here with my animals. 
It's very humid today.  No record setting temps but the extra humidity is kind of annoying. 
I was thinking of a friend of mine that is having a bad day today..or the last couple of days I should say.  I recently found out he's a reader and hooked up on good reads which I just joined to start putting all my books on.  Somehow this led to something I discovered about myself that I had not even realized until today. 
I have long been a fan of the Dragonriders of Pern series....since I first started reading them in High school I have always waited impatiently for the next one to come along.  Lately I have been reading a lot of werewolf stories.  The werewolf thing started out by screening some of the things my teenage daughter was reading.  Both girls are avid readers and I like to keep an eye on what kind of content they are reading.  I seem to have become hooked to a couple of series in particular and as I was cleaning up around here today it suddenly occurred to me.... 
I was kind of thinking about my friend that is having a bad day.  I was also kind of examining the whole..."how did I get hooked on werewolf books all of a sudden" thing too.  Then I realized...  put aside the dragons and the werewolves and the one theme they had in common was the idea of that incredible psychic bond.  The idea of being joined for life with someone and able to share thoughts.  It means they would never truly be alone again.  Loneliness is a big recurring theme with me...even in a crowded room I often feel I am completely alone in the world. ..it seems to be that way with my friend also. 
One of the werewolf writers even commented on it within the story once ....about how werewolf couples were exempt from the misunderstandings and the silence and isolation that came from hurt feelings that most mortal couples experience. 
How often have I wished for my boyfriend to share his thoughts and feelings with me instead of crawling into a beer can?  and what is it that keeps people from truly being close and expressing their deepest thoughts?  fear of rejection?  embarrassment? all of the above  probably. 
and those few people who say they have found their soul mate?  Have they somehow found a way to bridge that gap that most of us face on a daily basis...
I know,  pretty deep shit for a Sunday while making the bed I admit.