sunday afternoon
I am really at a loss as to why I am having so much panic. It's not like I haven't spent a lot of time alone before. Maybe it is just the finality of it all. I just can't seem to get past this knot and breathe. I did go out for a bit to see my friends at their party. It was nice to have all the kids running around having fun. It was a good distraction for a bit. Now that I am home, I am trying to keep things calm and level. I still have that weirdness where I can't seem to distract myself with the normal things like tv or reading. The anxiety level is just too high. Steve got tired of listening to me cry and went to stay the night at his dad's so they can decide what to do about the house. It is a little easier without him here, but not much. I wish I had someone to chat with and pass the time but most people are enjoying their holiday weekend. My mom get's off work at 5:30 so I am sure she will talk with me later. This is the most horrible feeling and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
I wish I had money so I could do all kinds of research about this stuff...what makes a panic attack? How do you get to the bottom of it all? I have gone to counseling in the past but never seems to help any..i'm still a crackpot.
Replies
your not a 'crack pot', u just feels things on a deeper level than the average person, all of us with anxiety do, we are like aliens dropped into a planet of those who feel less- and so we think something is wrong with us, but did u ever stop to think maybe something is wrong with THEM? Ive been thinking about that a bit lately. The truth though, it is our own feelings that make us suffer, working through that is key, breathing, focus on breathing. I wish I knew the magic formula to tell u, a magic wand I could wave and make it all go away, some days I don't know how I will make it through, I start shaking for no reason, ppl stand too close to me I have trouble breathing- and I think how will I make it in this world? and I just try to remind myself I count too, I matter. We may feel powerless, and something or someone is more powerful than us- but the truth is, aren't those who suffer, those who push themselves to do the smallest task, the more powerful of the two?...we don't know the ending of our story, but it doesn't end here. Just take one breath at a time..one step at a time.. and see where it takes u......xoxooxoxoxoxo