Suicide and Doctor's Exam
I overdosed on Lithium over a couple of days. I want to increase my lithium blood count before my blood draws for an annual exam. I wanted to show a really high count to show that I am sick. I want to be taken seriously. Also I have been holding Temezapam to do the job better this time. My real suicide attempt was with temazepam about 18 months ago, but I was discovered and taken to the hospital. That won't happen this time. Weird for a guy to choose pills but I don't want to leave a mess. I want to be heard and taken seriously.
Replies
Thor, I wish that I could wipe away the pain, the loss, the things that happened to push you to this choice.
I hope that you are heard, seen, felt, and made visible as a person of integrity, honor, respect, and that the truth comes out to help you heal.
Who isn't "hearing" you?
Thor, I've got permanent kidney damage from taking too much lithium with Seroquel for my PTSD symptoms. The final stage of the dying process with chronic kidney disease is actual one of the best deaths out there--you just go to sleep and don't wake up. But let me warn you from 10 years of experience living with the consequences of too much lithium that the process to that day is bad. First of all, there's dialysis, which I refused to do 10 years ago and got a second opinion on. I'd honestly rather die that live hooked up to a dialysis machine. Second, there's neuropathy pain. It's like having an exposed nerve in a toothache, but it's in your toes instead. It's horrible.
I'm not afraid to die, not because I'm brave but because in death pain ends. I am afraid to suffer before I die, and taking too much lithium as you're doing could make you end up with the kind of pain I've had to endure for 10 years now. Speaking of being heard and taken seriously, whatever you do, please take my experience seriously and know that too much lithium has brought me misery for a decade now. You don't deserve the pain of chronic kidney disease any more than I have, my friend.
Thor, suicide is a permanent event to a temporary situation. Your life has challenging and painful over the past couple of years. Disrespect in not being heard, or respected in your time serving our Country. I echo Muji, in that I quite frankly think that toxic lithium levels lead to my kidney cancer, ending up removing my left kidney in 2012. Something that took me Years To Understand and Develop was """Acceptance Of What I Could Not Change""". Perhaps? this might be something to think about going forward to promote a life of purpose and meaning. I think every one in life wants to be heard, understood and validated....I for one want to be accepted for who I am, and that I'm worthy. I don't know your pain physically or mentally, I can only go by what you have written...those men who disrespect you are not worth Your Life...they are Nothing if they don't have the ability to "Hear", process and move forward with the best intentions towards healing you or anyone else who crosses their path. I hope you will find your way towards some type of healing Thor. Another thing that has helped me in the past is 'fact based thinking'. I tend to worry myself creating such anxiety that my emotions Take Over, I continue to consistently, which is not easy in the midst of emotional depression, down in my worm hole of hopelessness...I'm just a work in progress, so much in life is up in the air right now...so for me, I need to fact base the violence, illness and the world...what I can do something about and what is out of my control. I'm writing this with the hope something might be relevant to you and your situation...
I'm so sorry to hear about how your feeling. We're all here listening.
Please don't do anything irrational.
I want only the best for you.
I know you have been through a lot and I am so sorry.
I hope you are able to stay strong, for yourself and everyone that is here for you.
Prayers coming your way.
Huge hug Thor.... Lithium is a REALLY dangerous drug... That's why you have to have really frequent blood draws when you're on it... I was Lithium toxic once and I've never been so sick in my life
Thor suicide doesn't end the pain sweetie... It spreads the pain.... Please reach out for the help that you need and really invest yourself in that help... Work as hard as you can at it
What was done to you was awful.... You were a scapegoat ... the fall guy..... if it wasn't you it would have been someone else..... It was cowardly for them to do that but governments do it all the time sadly
They aren't worth it sweetie.... Huge hug..... xo
Hi Thor
If you’re talking to a healthcare professional, you shouldn’t need a high level of any drug in your system to be taken seriously about suicidal ideation.
The mere mention of suicidal intentions to a healthcare worker who takes their job seriously should be enough for them to get you the help you need.
Like the other posters have said, your life seems extremely dark right now, but there will be light again eventually. Think about the little things in life that bring you comfort or even momentary joy that you would never have the chance to experience again. Taking your life is not the answer to overcoming pain. It brings more pain to the ones left behind who care, and the fact is that nobody on Earth actually knows what, if anything, happens to our consciousness after death. It could be even darker than it is now. Keep breathing and talking to us and anyone else who will listen until you are able to come through this.
Thor, I am sad to hear that you took so many meds that could have been the end. . If you are not taken seriously, change your doctors. I know you have been having a tough time. I think your doctors may be at a loss on how to help you unless you have some ideas that could help. Be direct and tell them what you want.
Tell us how we can help you. We are all here for you.
On the topic of doctor's exams and lithium, it's January now, so I've got to get my blood drawn at my local small hospital to be ready for my 3 month checkup at the big city medical center an hour away to check up on my lithium poisoning's damage to my kidneys. It's a real bear under normal circumstances. Being in a hospital during this pandemic really scares me.
I'm sorry to hear Thor...I have traveled this path myself. All I have learned is "stick around"...