Submit or Attach Nervous System Pattern
I listened to a resouce by Jeremy Rutstein from Sounds True today! Mind blowing.
He talks about the nervous system after trauma. He explores 5 states: fight, flight, freeze, attach and submit (though I think fawn is missing from this and is an important one to remember)... This is clarifying for me because after multiple incidences of PTSD in my adult life (and dating a heavy fight person where it wasn't safe) I continued to experience even more patterns of submission, fawning and attaching that led to being raped and taken even more advantage of.... as if these work incidences of PTSD opened a channel to my childhood.... or did it though because as my psychotherapist so kindly stated 30 minutes into my first session, "you recreated your childhood". Pivotal!
My unhealthy patterns never left but they did settle for awhile. We can sweep it under the rug but it comes back...
As a child to teenager to adult now I have negatively attached to one person my entire life. One person that is distant, cold, malignant narcissistic, often way older than me. And I move that attachment, never dropping it - like it's a fire on a torch that moves from station to station.... the olympic torch of unhealthy attachment.... I have always been confused about this attachment, this longing. It made sense considering the cold, distant or abusive men I knew growing up but I couldn't objectively name it so I couldn't fix it. Even two days ago I posted about a Red Ball and sharing this red ball with different people. Which symbolized the "ball" of emotions and sensations I feel around my dad but for me it also symbolized an unhealthy attachment (TO SOMETHING, ALWAYS SOMETHING). I feel today I was given a name for it.... It's just a NERVOUS SYSTEM PATTERN. One I can get rid of, I just haven't YET.... How clarifying and beautiful!
I want to relisten to this information and continue journalling on it.
Replies
In animal husbandry/biology, the "4 Fs" is a well-respected breakdown of the survival instinct common to all species with a brain complex enough to have a separate "Lizard Brain." 1) Freeze 2) Fight 3) Fawn 4) Fight I learned the 4 Fs in biology class years before I heard in psychotherapy support groups. Methinks "submit or attach" is being used in place of "Fawn." To my frequent flier/fighter senses, fawning well requires more than one sub-tactic. Fawners have as many colorful names for themselves as fliers and fighters.
So opineth The Arf. . .
By whatever verbage, I like to remind myself often that my lizard brain is best monitored and policed by my higher functions. It's an instinct, not a governing body. My lizard brain has all the intelligence of a smoke alarm. It goes off as easily for burnt toast as for a house fire. It's up to me to allow my higher brain functions to provide the plan of action.