struggling
i have been struggling mentally and physically for a long time now. i am trying to juggle handling my mother who is not well but at the same time i cant stand being around her. she is 88 and my dad is 92 and he is her caretaker but god forgive me, i think a lot of things are made up in her head. he cant or is short get out and it is killing him, he is losing weight and i honestly dont know how he does, i guess your true love, 66 years marriage does it. i am doing the bills and laundry and some shopping, my sister refuses to do anything, she just explodes at my mother, i cant believe how patient i am, but i do leave so much sooner then usual. i cant really explain how bad it is, it wouldnt make sence to anyone. i just know it is causing severe stres and anxiety, my mother never showed love and i never felt loved, now she wants everything for her and never listens to anythng or anyone eleses issues. ah well
i start a new position in a different store monday, will finally have day hours, have been working 12.30 to 9, and it has been so hard always short staffed and the ones or one that is there is a lousy worker, i dont even take my break just so things can get done and get out of there on time. i cried when the manager asked me one day if i was pkay and i just lost it, saying i couldnt do it anymore. this transfer i have been wanting since september, first it was can u work through the jewish holidays, then one person or another was out and i kept staying, my own fault but i didnt want to screw the fellow night person who i like and in general, well its finally happening and the new manager for whatevr reason realy likes me, i worked for him a year ago for a bit. i will moss a lot of where i am, it is a small close group, but i feel this is best. very nervous about the change and learning something new, esp. when the manager there has such confidene in me.
food and body image are as usual sucky, feel so ugly and gross. i tried to purge the other day didnt get much out i havent done that ina long time and when i was it was the first time and only lasted a few weeks. i had a severe dizzy spell the other day at work while slicing meat, didnt get another one. i have been so clumsy and have a hard time focusing on what i am doing. my blood work has all come back fine so it is just me, slowly losing it
sorry fore the long journal!
Replies
Ann you seem to have a lot going on it's no wonder you are struggling. I hope the new position works out well for you. Retail is madness at this time of year. You could be dizzy from over doing things I don't know, or maybe missing a meal?
Stress is a bitch. It messes you up in ways that are not always obvious. Are you seeing a counsler? Right now with increased stress it might be a good idea.
As far as your parents go, that is hard. I am a case manager in hospice I see a lot.of older couples 80 90 living on their own and it is hard. If you reach out to a soical worker there are tons of resources. If your parents qualify they can have so many hours per week.for someone to come help them, it's called IHSS (in home support services) most.people.get let's say 60 hours a month so like 3 hrs a day for laundry, meal preparing, cleaning, needs around the house etc. Just food for thought.
thanks for the support and advice. i dont think my parents would qualify but it is definetly worth checking into. they feel that with us kids its all they need, they can afford to go live in assited living, it is a very nice place but wont even give it a 2 month trial run. this morning i am starting new position and i have always worn baggy chef pants and in the new remodeled store you wear jeans and i am so uncomfortable, i wont button them, i am not used to pants that "fit" i feel fat and constricted. one would say you lucky getting to wear jeans, not me. ah well, that is the least of the problems. hugsss