Still on the roller coaster
It seems even my moving out did not really matter.
I was having a pretty good weekend. started off rough...still felt like crap from the cold/allergies...whichever it was. Made myself get moving on Saturday...got Remi a bath and put her revolution on her so I could stop having bad dreams about her getting fleas or heartworm..lol I planned on spending sat night with my boyfriend so I got all the laundry done..no homework since all I have left is my final (today). Remi and I packed up and went down to the house Sat night. We had a nice relaxing evening. He drank nothing but water and ice tea. Sunday morning was great...nice breakfast and then we did our shopping errands together. It was unseasonably hot here this weekend. After I left about 3 and went home to start getting ready for Monday we kept texting..all seemed good. He kept saying he wanted me to come home and I said it was good for me to take care of myself for a while....I said we still have issues. I said we can't talk without anger and fighting...he said of course we can..so I decided to put it to the test..stupid me.
I said I want to ask you something without you getting angry with me...he said of course I NEVER get angry with you (yeah right). I said..are you drinking?
wow...he blew up. I didn't realize you could convey all that by text..and the repeated good night and good luck with your new boyfriend (which there isn't) and kept throwing in my face that I was flirting with a friend online and now we can be together.
I had already admitted that friend and I had crossed a line and that I had put a stop to it. ...but really? it was flirting..nothing more..and he lives 6 hours away from me(even with MY driving).
I told him I am not spending the next 10 years with him throwing that back in my face every time something happens. I admitted it was wrong. He said he was throwing it out the window and it would not be brought up again..which lasted all of about ten minutes.
From great to awful in about thirty minutes...of course he was drinking..big surprise. I am hoping he will still watch the animals for me so I can go see my mom...the worst part is I have no one else so if he won't do it then I guess I don't go.
The apartment is becoming very cozy..still a couple of little things to work out. I guess I better make it work since I guess it's going to be my home for quite a while. My counselor was right....I am still waiting for the miracle. Somewhere I thought if I moved out he would realize his drinking was a problem. Damn I can be really stupid sometimes. I am tired of waking up with my eyes swollen and burning and my head pounding from crying all the time.
I was having a pretty good weekend. started off rough...still felt like crap from the cold/allergies...whichever it was. Made myself get moving on Saturday...got Remi a bath and put her revolution on her so I could stop having bad dreams about her getting fleas or heartworm..lol I planned on spending sat night with my boyfriend so I got all the laundry done..no homework since all I have left is my final (today). Remi and I packed up and went down to the house Sat night. We had a nice relaxing evening. He drank nothing but water and ice tea. Sunday morning was great...nice breakfast and then we did our shopping errands together. It was unseasonably hot here this weekend. After I left about 3 and went home to start getting ready for Monday we kept texting..all seemed good. He kept saying he wanted me to come home and I said it was good for me to take care of myself for a while....I said we still have issues. I said we can't talk without anger and fighting...he said of course we can..so I decided to put it to the test..stupid me.
I said I want to ask you something without you getting angry with me...he said of course I NEVER get angry with you (yeah right). I said..are you drinking?
wow...he blew up. I didn't realize you could convey all that by text..and the repeated good night and good luck with your new boyfriend (which there isn't) and kept throwing in my face that I was flirting with a friend online and now we can be together.
I had already admitted that friend and I had crossed a line and that I had put a stop to it. ...but really? it was flirting..nothing more..and he lives 6 hours away from me(even with MY driving).
I told him I am not spending the next 10 years with him throwing that back in my face every time something happens. I admitted it was wrong. He said he was throwing it out the window and it would not be brought up again..which lasted all of about ten minutes.
From great to awful in about thirty minutes...of course he was drinking..big surprise. I am hoping he will still watch the animals for me so I can go see my mom...the worst part is I have no one else so if he won't do it then I guess I don't go.
The apartment is becoming very cozy..still a couple of little things to work out. I guess I better make it work since I guess it's going to be my home for quite a while. My counselor was right....I am still waiting for the miracle. Somewhere I thought if I moved out he would realize his drinking was a problem. Damn I can be really stupid sometimes. I am tired of waking up with my eyes swollen and burning and my head pounding from crying all the time.
Replies
Dear Freakster,
I disagree with your feelings of being stupid. Your counselor is right, your hoping for a miracle. This does not mean your being stupid, human yes, stupid no. Of course you hope he will change. There will come a time when you will be fed up and ready to declare it over, until then just realize that your human and forgive yourself for wishing. Eric
Dear Freakster,
I disagree with your feelings of being stupid. Your counselor is right, your hoping for a miracle. This does not mean your being stupid, human yes, stupid no. Of course you hope he will change. There will come a time when you will be fed up and ready to declare it over, until then just realize that your human and forgive yourself for wishing. Eric
Dear Freakster,
I disagree with your feelings of being stupid. Your counselor is right, your hoping for a miracle. This does not mean your being stupid, human yes, stupid no. Of course you hope he will change. There will come a time when you will be fed up and ready to declare it over, until then just realize that your human and forgive yourself for wishing. Eric
Dear Freakster,
I disagree with your feelings of being stupid. Your counselor is right, your hoping for a miracle. This does not mean your being stupid, human yes, stupid no. Of course you hope he will change. There will come a time when you will be fed up and ready to declare it over, until then just realize that your human and forgive yourself for wishing. Eric
Dear Freakster,
I disagree with your feelings of being stupid. Your counselor is right, your hoping for a miracle. This does not mean your being stupid, human yes, stupid no. Of course you hope he will change. There will come a time when you will be fed up and ready to declare it over, until then just realize that your human and forgive yourself for wishing. Eric
it seems he may have some healing issues he is not working through also. We cannot let go of what is not healed.
I think for so many men drinking is to them as journaling is to us. It is the way they are brought up and have to relearn to do better. Most drinking men are the ones that don\'t open up and truly share what is at their core -- what is hurting them and perhaps making them feel vulnerable. I think drinking for him may be a cover to not have to come into contact with too much pain or issues he would rather not have to work through.
I hope you two are doing better very soon.
((hugs))