Still Down
Still very, very bad. What on earth am I supposed to do??? I feel so alone, distraught...I miss my baby so much. I don't know what to do besides turning to SOTHs and hoping foranswers, but there are no answers, are there??? I don't think I can take much more of this, I certainly don't want to...Is there some sort of extra painful time period around the year and a half mark??? Is this normal???
Replies
Yes, it\'s normal. The wound never heals, but the scabs cover some of the pain. Years make it easier, don\'t ask me why, but life continues, and other joys remain....get through this terrible time the best way you can. I went to a gym every morning, rather than stay here with my husband\'s suffering. It\'s over 5 years for us now, and we are stronger than we ever knew. The injury is permanent, but our response to it is different. Love, abby
I\'m so sorry Gina. Sending tight hugs. Is it Normal -- absolutely-- and it\'s horrible beyond words.
Oh Gina
My heart breaks for you.
I was on my hands and knees for until the 2.5 - 3yr mark.
I begged to have my son back. I was in the deepest darkest hole. I had no where to turn. I hated going to work. I would start crying as soon as I hit the doors to leave work. I had never felt so alone.
I almost put myself away because I was so distraught and depressed.
I had to be put onmon medication to help me function and to lift me out of depression.
I still was able to grieve.
It took some tweaking of the medication and putting g me on the right one to have it work.
Please know that what you are experiencing is normal.
I wanted to join my son but didn\'t have the guts to do it plus I knew I would cause extreme amount of pain and agony to my daughter and my family.
I know you can get through this.
Tight hugs
Love
Laura
The pain is excruciating. I have found that it ebbs and flows. I can be seemingly quite normal and then fall in to the black hole. All I can say is, that for me, the good times are lasting much longer (it is over 5 years), and the hole is much shallower. Our SOTH have been my salvation. So please come here and say what you feel. We can\'t make it better but we do understand and care. I really really want to meet you and give you a huge hug in October!
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
Yes, it is normal for us moms. You never really get over it but it does get better just as the moms have described. Coming here has been my saving grace through the years. I actually didn\'t realize how bad off I was until recently and will soon be hitting the sixth year. Hang in there.
Oh, Gina, how I wish I could say something that might offer a nano moment of comfort and peace to your aching heart.
It\'s about doing whatever it takes to get through another moment. It becomes that bare bones basic and it looks different for each of us. Some get busier and others need more cocooning time, coming here as Leda mentioned so that you know you are not going crazy even though you feel that you are and to see that others are living through it just as you are.
You matter, are loved and are needed Gina... To fully absorb this takes time and I just remember in some of my darkest moments having a knowing that I could not put my family through another loss such as the one that had changed us forever. I just could not and I truly believe that remembering that might have been the \"only\" thing for a very long time that kept me inching along.
Please do whatever it takes to keep breathing through your sorrow and trust that it will not always feel this way. No one is meant to live in acute grief for a lifetime and somehow it slowly begins to change and I learned how to carry it. You will too...
The most loving care I send and you are doing your best. Sometimes this is what one\'s best looks like. It\'s messy and chaotic this grief path, yet healing is happening even when you doubt that it ever possibly could be, it is.
With you and caring,
XO Joanie
Gina, this is absolutely normal and it sucks. The passing of our children is so very painful. I always knew the year marks and the half years too! Somehow our body, soul, spirit knows and feels these times and they hurt.
As Abby says the injury is permanent but our response to it changes.
It takes a long time for the pain to become manageable, but it does. Keep writing, talking. Tightest of hugs, Linda
It took till year #4 for me to feel that I may make it. Then by year #5 I was still making it. Yes those first years are terrible and still it is like living through a tornado then one year it is a hurricane not as destructing to your heart. My ears are hear for you.
Tight Hugs Penny
I think the second year is very hard - the numbness wears off and the harsh reality kicks in. There is no making sense of it and no getting over it but as time goes by we find we can live beside it, I think. Although we are forever changed by the journey we are now on. It really is one day at a time - you do whatever you need to get through that one day, Gina....and then the next. You are in my thoughts. Peace to you, my friend. Joanna x
Many moms have said that the second year is harder than the first. The first year is a blur...and then the second you start to realize it is a reality. You CAN do this...all of us understand where you are...and then you need to see where we are. It seems impossible to believe that you can ever feel better...but you can. Get through the moments...and eventually there will be days, weeks and years..love and gentle hugs...Karen