still a heavy pain

I'm at that point where pain is with me at every moment when I'm awake. I feel like I did years ago when all I wanted was to sleep and sleep till just bones were left. I'm not gonna do that though, I cant. I still have a bit of hope left even though common sence is trying to crush it. I want to believe everything is gonna be alright and I can uproot this hurt, I want to believe that I can just walk around with a hole in my heart for a while and let it fill with something better than this.