STARTING TO BELIEVE ???

Yesterday I woke up to the scent of my daughter's cologne. I just laid there for a few seconds breathing it in and then nothing. I know I wasn't dreaming this. Is it because I miss her so much or that I want her to give me some sort of sign that I am imaging this. I was a big believer that our loved ones watched over us. A while ago I heard her voice say "Mom", but it was also in the morning. Mayb my mind is playing tricks on me because I talk to her evey nite before bed. I tell her how much I love her and miss her and to plez visit me in a dream. But, I haven't dreamt of her yet. My sister was so happy for me. She strongly believes that there are ways that Jackie will come through, I just have to be aware of it.
Today is 3 months since my baby is gone. I'm going to the cemetary today. I have knots in my stomach. Why did this happen? I t hought she was handling her pain. I keep seeing her slumped over in the car. I can't get that nite out of my head. My life will never b the same. When I try to stay busy I don't cry, but as soon as I stop I can't control my thoughts. The hole that is in my heart will never ever close. Its broken. Jackie was with me all the time. I look over to the seat in the car and try to see her there. There is one thing that she left me that I will cherish and keep close to me forever. When Jackie came out to us that she was Gay, she cut off her pony tail, she had very long hair. I found it wrapped up in a scarf. Her beautiful hair, a part of her that I hold against my face just to feel a piece of her. Im not sure if that is a good thing because I can't control my crying, but I am happy that I found it. Does that make me sound crazy? I don't know anymore what is normal. I should have died first, not my beautiful daughter.