Somewhere along the path, I lost myself
Being the mom of an angel numbs you even years after you first heard that horrible news. It changes you ... it can't not change you. The pain leaves scars on your heart to your very soul. Then to have the one person in your life you thought was always there for you betrays your trust. That adds levels of bruises on top of the already broken heart.
I've shut out most of the world this past year because it was easier to ìgnore them and build my wall back up. It's an easier approach than to try to explain what's going on. I regret doing that because i have friends who have needed me, Needed a shoulder to lean on. I wasnt there for them as much as i could have been there. Feeling sorry for yourself is never good. When its over something you had zero control over weighs you down. We can only change us into us just slightly better.
March 16 was 14 years Randy Lee's been gone from this earth. It's hard to believe it's been 14 years. I find myself trying to remember the sound of his voice...how his smile brightened any room ... or that he was my heart . My heart feels broken, weighed down by all this grief and the physical issues I have occurring. 14 yrs and the ache is as strong as it was that very moment. He was ... he is my heart
My bonus son and his wife are three proud parents of a beautiful girl who will be 2yrs old this July and then 1 month later will welcome a baby boy to their family. They give me amazing friends, 5 furbabies and now 2 beautiful children.the people in PU lived are there for a reason.
So now to just get this weight off, to feel better physficalloy
Replies
You did what you could to move through two tragic heartaches and sometimes that does mean cocooning for long periods of time and only to emerge when one feels ready to.
Grateful you have your bonus son in your life and please go easy on yourself.
Missing our BEloveds always and sharing the peaks, valleys and automatic pilot times too. Thank goodness we can land here and feel understood.
Heartfelt (((hugs))) of care from Douglas and me to Randy Lee and you,
XO Joanie
Thank you
Hugs to you. I could so relate to your journal. So many days I feel the same way. Somewhere along the path, I lost myself. Some days are worse than others. I do have my beautiful daughter that misses her brother so much and still after all this time we talk about Jeff like it was yesterday that we talked to him. I also have Jeff's two daughters and my daughter's two daughters and they all give me a reason to get up.
Hugs and love to you from Jeff and me to Randy Lee and you...