something between distant worry and just enjoying the moment

so things are going fairly well. i am learning how to be responsible for my own feelings, and he is visibly responding to that. maybe because he in fact is more sensitive, not just to his own feelings, but is also an empathic person. it's all about presentation.
called the bass player today, left him a message asking if he was still interested in the band. kind of hoping he isn't, but had to give some credit to what the other two band members wanted. i also responded to an ad for a vocalist because it sounded like a project i would be interested in. haven't said anything to the boyfriend about it yet because they haven't written back. but if it turns out i want to go check things out, that's gonna be a challenge right there. this is one of my first big steps, should it come to fruition.
i feel good about having written bpdfamily.com to remove an article that i felt was biased. i'm starting to feel very defensive toward pwbpd, and also toward my own right to love someone with such characteristics. i find it very disturbing that there can be such propensity to hate people that are already suffering severely from their own instability, rather than to try and understand their experience. this makes us no better than our enemies.
truth be told, i'm developing feelings of tenderness toward those with bpd. perhaps there is purpose to my not wanting children. perhaps it is because i have been reserving these maternal energies for other people. doesn't that sound romantic, poetic, and prophetic?
everything happens for a reason...