Somebody please help!!
I started reading 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft when it arrived today and on page 29 it says "Track down his ex partner and talk with her as soon as possible". My bf is American and I am in the UK, he has been here since Aug 2009 and we met in Jan 2010. I only know about his history what he told me and he says that his ex was extremely jealous and nasty, burt all his possessions twice after they separated and his stuff was in storage; that she went there and burnt his things. And that she had crappy, small jobs when they were together and got fired 8x / year and she tried to get into the wine business but they lived in a military town and nobody was interested in fine wines. When he got posted to Iraq she went to live to another part of the country and when he came back, she didn't want to move back with him. Yadayadayada.
So I Googled her and did a bit of research. This lady is a bigger version of me; same dark long hair, same blue eyes, tall, just big and muscly, about a UK size 14 (US size 10) and me a UK size 8 (US size 4). And guess what. She is the Assistant Food and Beverage Director in a massive holiday and golf complex! He said she was a chef but I doubt she would have been able to get to this level just in 3 years (they officially divorced in Feb 2008, and he said she was trying to set up her own wine business).
Also, I found that she indeed had a wine business (not sure if she is still doing this??) and her business name is ***siren. Siren = Mermaid. My bf is a bit obsessed by mermaids and has a large mermaid tattoo. I am thinking maybe he used to call her 'Siren or mermaid' and the tattoo on him looks a bit like her; although he says he got the tattoo after a drawing he bought in Hawaii in 2006 (where he went on hols with an ex gf, he still has this drawing...)
She looks really confident on the pics and she doesn't look anything like how my bf painted her (as far as inner qualities are concerned. Externally she looks like he said). OK, a lot can happen in 3 years and they have been separated for over 5 years, but I feel weird about the whole thing, that she is actually obviously a very successful woman, and nothing like my bf described...
Is he lying to me?? If he is, what else is he lying about?? I'm really stressed out and anxious and feel like I'm a substitute for his ex wife and I just wanna run!!!
I feel so bad and upset.
So I Googled her and did a bit of research. This lady is a bigger version of me; same dark long hair, same blue eyes, tall, just big and muscly, about a UK size 14 (US size 10) and me a UK size 8 (US size 4). And guess what. She is the Assistant Food and Beverage Director in a massive holiday and golf complex! He said she was a chef but I doubt she would have been able to get to this level just in 3 years (they officially divorced in Feb 2008, and he said she was trying to set up her own wine business).
Also, I found that she indeed had a wine business (not sure if she is still doing this??) and her business name is ***siren. Siren = Mermaid. My bf is a bit obsessed by mermaids and has a large mermaid tattoo. I am thinking maybe he used to call her 'Siren or mermaid' and the tattoo on him looks a bit like her; although he says he got the tattoo after a drawing he bought in Hawaii in 2006 (where he went on hols with an ex gf, he still has this drawing...)
She looks really confident on the pics and she doesn't look anything like how my bf painted her (as far as inner qualities are concerned. Externally she looks like he said). OK, a lot can happen in 3 years and they have been separated for over 5 years, but I feel weird about the whole thing, that she is actually obviously a very successful woman, and nothing like my bf described...
Is he lying to me?? If he is, what else is he lying about?? I'm really stressed out and anxious and feel like I'm a substitute for his ex wife and I just wanna run!!!
I feel so bad and upset.
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