Softer on the inside than I'd like to admit...

Recently I've been so proud of myself for being upbeat, happy, and overall positive, but realistically, on the inside.. I'm incredibly delicate, more so than I should be... Little things can upset me and make me feel like my world is crashing down around me, things that should mean nothing make me feel empty and worthless. I feel like since I was raped I've become more sensitive, but also more promiscuous... I've heard of it before, being more promiscuous after rape but could never conceptualize it.. I feel like I need the reassurance that I'm still desirable, that someone could still want me.. Interestingly enough, I still don't like people who know what happened touching me... It's like they're touching me but they're seeing a rape victim or something... They're doing it because they want me to feel normal but they know I don't feel normal and I'm not normal. I just feel like there are things I need off my chest but I don't know how to let them go... So far no one has seen me cry over this..after it happened I shut down and I refused to fer anything, and then I convinced myself I moved on and have been happy since, but I don't think I've gotten anywhere, not really.