So much for a quiet Friday night-extra dose
I was having an ok day..or so I thought. Went to my counseling appt after work. Remi and I went and picked up a couple of movies...sat down to eat dinner and watch a movie. Anxiety started...of course like usual I tried to ignore it. No luck it just kept coming. So now I am sitting here with the nausea and the chills...the hot and then cold...NO I am not sick..I have not even been anywhere or know anyone who is sick. I know it is only anxiety but I still feel like crap. I could not concentrate on the movie so I stopped it and got up and took an extra dose. Remi knows something is wrong and is right here by my side. I can never be normal...there is no reason that I can think of to be having this tonight. Since I needed something to do I thought I would write it all down. I really get tired of being me. I thought I was going to have a nice quiet evening with my dog. HA! that is what I get for thinking I guess. I get so very tired. I want to lay down and go to sleep but I know if I don't wait until at least nine that I will not sleep through the night. If I don't wait until it passes I will probably just continue to have it in bed anyway.
Sure things are very up in the air. I have not heard from my ex since yesterday morning so I guess he is done with me. Maybe I am just afraid I am going to be all alone now? It is all I can think of ..I mean I know I am somewhat worried about the surgery and all but it was a pretty uneventful day. Somewhere there has to be an off switch for this shit. I always think there has to be a logical way to fight this once and for all...but they tell me I will always have it once the body learns this response. If I could just figure out for sure what the hell it is responding to maybe it could be controlled better. I don't know. I am just rambling now.
Sure things are very up in the air. I have not heard from my ex since yesterday morning so I guess he is done with me. Maybe I am just afraid I am going to be all alone now? It is all I can think of ..I mean I know I am somewhat worried about the surgery and all but it was a pretty uneventful day. Somewhere there has to be an off switch for this shit. I always think there has to be a logical way to fight this once and for all...but they tell me I will always have it once the body learns this response. If I could just figure out for sure what the hell it is responding to maybe it could be controlled better. I don't know. I am just rambling now.
Replies
Dear Freakster,
No your not \"just rambling\". I happen to agree with you. Finding out what the body is re-acting to would be a great step in getting rid of this endless anxiety! Maybe the upcoming procedure will stop the body from iterrupting these signals as something to feel anxious about?
Perhaps if the surgery improves your health you may have less anxiety and over time will begin to recover and heal.
You are coping with a lot of changes along with some serious health issues and this will cause anxiety. Moving, even when it is something good for us, also causes anxiety.
Be gentle and patient with yourself as you are working hard at improving your life.
((hugs))
You are very definitely on stress-overload. You need someone there to take care of you, give you comfort, cook you a meal...and see to it that you have a clean and safe home.
When we have a low threshold of stress, or the ability to cope with it, we can project that we\'re going to get overloaded and our minds...than anxiety part...triggers to try to make you put on the brakes and slow down...get to safety.
You might want to use BuSpar as an anxiolytic.
I know when ever I\'ve had really bad anxiety for apparently no reason I excersise go for a brisk walk if you can. What u were having sounds like an anxiety attack bad. You will not be alone don\'t worry so much. Ramble all u want I am here for u.