So many have died this week...

I thought perhaps that this week would be a wonderful one for me.  I was happy.  Then by Wednesday, it was like Death felt lonely and started taking people I knew.  First, it was Steve, who was a fellow co-worker and aquaintance.  The second death was Chester from Linkin Park, who I absolutely adored and who's music actually helped me get through some dark and difficult times.  Then, the third death this week was my wonderful friend, Thaddeus, who was married to a very beautiful woman whom I've known since we were confused little teenagers.  

When I heard about Steve's death, I was shocked, but I knew he was in bad shape because of his health.  It was sad and I felt bad.  But because of his depresssion and his family life, I knew that he would be in a better place.  No more suffering for him.

When I saw that Chester committed suicide, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I mean, I was in tears right before leaving work.  When I got into my car, I played "Shadow of the Day" and completely lost it.  Walking through my front door, I couldn't hide my pain from my husband.  He asked me what was wrong, and in the middle of my sobs, I blurted out, "Fucking Chester from Linkin Park killed himself!"  And I went into the kitchen and sobbed.  I was so incredibly angry because he was my idol.  I adored him.  His music was my inspiration.  And he was suddenly gone.  WTF!  Damn it, Chester!  (It still hurts.)

Finally, I was on Facebook and my news feed came up for my friend, Amy, and people were commenting things like "Prayers" and "Sorry for your loss".  I was lost.  I thought what the hell is going on? This woman that I've known for so long has an absolutely beautiful family.  They are good people.  I came to find out something had happened to her husband of ten years, Thaddeus.  Apparently, he and his son were swimming in the ocean.  (His son is my oldest son's close friend, too.)  The riptide was elevated that day, and caught them both.  A lifeguard was able to save the boy, but Thaddeus went under and never resurfaced.  Tragically, they found his lifeless body the next morning.  I know that everyone was praying for a miracle.  It didn't happen.

When I read that they located his body, I just cried.  All I could think about was how much pain and agony my friend, Amy, was in.  She lost her husband, who was her soul mate, her best friend, and her everything.  I put myself in her shoes, and that pain was too much for my heart to handle.  I am so grateful that my husband and my children are well and alive.  Those four kids have no father now.  And they were due to have another little one soon.  Amy will deliver her baby, and Thaddeus won't be there to watch the birth of his own child.  It's so sad.  What a terrible thing to happen to such wonderful people.

But today, I will be happy.  Not for my sake, but for my family's sake.  There has been too much death and sadness.  It's time to wipe away the tears and smile.