so down....

so down today...not completely sure why.  My ex texted me this morning that his sister in law passed away this morning...she had been very sick with cancer for a very long time.  It was always a losing battle and they just tried to give her as much time with the kids as possible.  Hearing from him this morning and feeling like he doesn't miss me at all just  kind of hit home.  I am alone this weekend and with my own thoughts...it is not a good combination.  i have that weight on my chest again...the weight that says I can fake it for a while but things will never truly be ok again.  I want to cry but I am afraid if I let it out that I won't be able to stop it again.  On top of that I am having another horrible sinus headache.  ...that only adds to the anxiety factor.