so difficult
i am finding it so hard to do what the dr. wants and even dr. m. set up an easy plan using the food i had bought as he knows my money situation. i haven't done it yet, just parts and today i cant get breakfast in, am bringing it with me though. i could eat it but don't want to. this damn ED is really glued in it seems.
colleen is coming Friday night thru sunday and i am looking forward to seeing her but also dreading it as she knows about the situation and will come armed with food and the pressure to eat will be huge. she is coming to get the windows done, i have Saturday thru Tuesday off then start my new job. she is going to guilt danny into helping, i have had no luck. i did open my mouth to colleen on sunday before i went to the OA meeting when she said to open up, tell what is going on and on and on. i started crying a bit and said to her why cant you just say good job on deciding to go, and not add any more pressure. she said she didn't mean to didn't think she was, and i said it always happens, what i need is support in whatever step i make,not saying i should do more.
haven't heard from david sincei told him and laura about the doctors and promising to go to OA, i shouldn't be surprised, disappointed yes, as they know i am trying to add new foods. when will i get over expectations from him?
to much crap going on to even know where to begin, so i wont.
hugs all
colleen is coming Friday night thru sunday and i am looking forward to seeing her but also dreading it as she knows about the situation and will come armed with food and the pressure to eat will be huge. she is coming to get the windows done, i have Saturday thru Tuesday off then start my new job. she is going to guilt danny into helping, i have had no luck. i did open my mouth to colleen on sunday before i went to the OA meeting when she said to open up, tell what is going on and on and on. i started crying a bit and said to her why cant you just say good job on deciding to go, and not add any more pressure. she said she didn't mean to didn't think she was, and i said it always happens, what i need is support in whatever step i make,not saying i should do more.
haven't heard from david sincei told him and laura about the doctors and promising to go to OA, i shouldn't be surprised, disappointed yes, as they know i am trying to add new foods. when will i get over expectations from him?
to much crap going on to even know where to begin, so i wont.
hugs all
Replies
Maybe too much pressure to do more/eat better/find a fix etc. can cause a resistance reaction, making it even harder to eat. But of course its really hard for other people to be able to gauge how their encouragement feels to you and when it turns to pressurising. I dont know what OA is like but I hope its relaxed without too much pressure to take too big steps at a time.
Im glad Colleen is willing to help you with the window job! And when I think of the topics I can discuss with my parents I think you have a really precious relationship with your daughter. Any pressurising from her Im sure is done out of love and concern for your wellbeing. I hope you can keep the communications path open and I hope too that youll find something you enjoy eating at the weekend. Hugs ((( )))
thanks Kathy, yes colleen and I have come full circle and then some. starting in junior high she drank, I would say became an alcoholic and did drugs all through till her mid 20s. I had to have her leave the house in her senior year due to her violent actions and my safety. I never thought we would get along, I thought I had lost her and actually worried so much that she would die. well we now talk almost everyday and do fun things and I consider her a best friend as well as my daughter. we have such a different relationship then my mother and me, thank goodness. I am truly blessed. she does say these things out of caring and love, she simply doesn\'t understand ED and the realities of it. OA has not been pressuring at all, I am still not sure it will work for me, but I have to try. I like the thought of a rfesistance factor, good point. I woke up this morning feeling so nervous, and anxious, cant eat breakfast, just all around nervous. hugss
*hugs* I\'m here for you! I know it\'s hard, but you have to keep fighting! You are strong. Colleen is coming for a challenge and you can\'t let your ED hold you back. I\'m glad to hear that Colleen and you get along now.. my mom and I get along now too, after a bad childhood.
That\'s such a huge step to admit your struggles to those around you like the kids. I have never been able to open up on any level about ED to any of my kids... I guess I fear that it will be a huge argument or will be used against me at some point. That\'s great your relationship with Colleen is stable now after a rocky road teen years can be so ughly :( colleen is so lucky to have a mom like you!
thank you larissa and g2g. I am projecting about colleen but I don\'t want nany arguments with her either regarding food and what and how much I eat, just want to get along and get the job done and over with. yes I am very fortunate with colleen, esp. as it went into the 20s and she was s wrapped in drugs and alcohol. I sometimes think I shouldn\'t have opened up as they would worry but they aren\'t stupid, they can see what is wrong, better to have it come from me I think.
colleen didn\'t bring any food, just what she eats, and that was a relief. we finished the windows and relaxed at night watching TV. have to go out to lunch today with colleen and my parents, oh joy
Well it sounds to me like Colleen doing really well and that you\'re building your relationship with her. Man I\'ve came from drugs and alcohol myself luckily I got out of that stupid when I was 19 years old so I can get my head on my shoulders. What does OA mean