Small steps

I made it through work yesterday, but came home and cried.  I've been crying everday since I lost Gene.  My whole world feels turned upside down.  Just going to work is a struggle everyday.  I feel like people are starting to avoid me now.  Can anyone explain this to me?  It's as if I'm supposed to just go on at work like nothing happened.  I don't want to be there, I want to be home where I feel comfortable and I can grieve in my own way.   The kids were here for dinner last night and I don't know what I'd do without them.  They make me laugh and bring me peace.  My son is so much like my husband, it's so very comforting to have him around.   He was working on his friend's jeep and started cussing just like Gene used to do.  Even by brother-in-law commented on how much he looks and acts like Gene.   I pray for peace in my heart, but I know that it will be a long time coming.  Each day brings a new challenge and another "first" without Gene.  I'm thinking of going to the group bereavement session tonight.  I really need to see how other people are coping during different stages of the grieving process.