sings, signs, everywhere signs ....
I just had to laugh to myself as I checked "positive" for the type of entry this was. Wow! What a journey and a difference 10 years can make to see any bit of positive in relationship to losing a child. that being said I wanted to share a moment in my journey that was one of my earlier signs that Randy Lee will always be around me.
Randy Lee died 3/16/03 and for those first months - it was a blur at best. I functioned, though not at a very normal level. The memory that keeps coming back to my mind, that I'm sure is date related as we get closer to Mother's Day. How I dreaded that day in 2003. I didn't talk to anyone, I shut myself in my bedroom, I just cried and slept all day. It was close to 10:30pm and Randy's dad finally said "let's just go get something to eat. It's late so little chance to run into anyone". Reluctantly I agreed and we went to a little local diner. They were open 24 hrs a day and I was relieved when we entered that there were only 2 other tables with diners. Maybe, just maybe I could do this without a mention of the day or someone I know wanting to tell me how sorry they were. We sat down, ordered and were almost through the meal when a waitress who had waited on us many times approached me smiling. She handed me a carnation and whispered in my ear "you look like you need this - we're giving them to all the mom's today". Well, my face must have drained of color and my eyes stared at Jack - I couldn't say a word. The waitress looked like she was terrified when Jack said "Thank you - we just lost our son 2 months ago". Well, she started to piece it together and realized her son and our son were friends. She said it took her most of the meal to decide to give me the flower but something just told her I needed it and to be wished a Happy Mother's Day. I thanked her when I left and managed to get outside before breaking down like a babbling fool.
So, do I think that was a sign? for me ... it was. I choose to see the moments that remind me of Randy as needed messages that he's still with me. I needed that more than I realized that day. Earlier in the day a friend of Randy's had brought me a card with a message that sound oh so like Randy Lee. Having a bad day at work and that one song that takes me right to thoughts of Randy plays or being somewhere and just hearing his name.
I believe in signs. I don't think they are smack you upside the head things but if you look, if you pay attention and open your heart - they are there. It's been 10 years since Randy Lee's angel date. I will say that I questioned things so much more that first year. It doesn't get easier, you just learn to cope with it. The person who said time heals all wounds never lost a child.
I'll close with this - I am thankful to God for the 18 years he blessed me with Randy Lee .... the good, the bad .... because to change any of that would change him. May you all find comfort in a "sign" from your loved one letting you know they are always, always right by your side.
Randy Lee died 3/16/03 and for those first months - it was a blur at best. I functioned, though not at a very normal level. The memory that keeps coming back to my mind, that I'm sure is date related as we get closer to Mother's Day. How I dreaded that day in 2003. I didn't talk to anyone, I shut myself in my bedroom, I just cried and slept all day. It was close to 10:30pm and Randy's dad finally said "let's just go get something to eat. It's late so little chance to run into anyone". Reluctantly I agreed and we went to a little local diner. They were open 24 hrs a day and I was relieved when we entered that there were only 2 other tables with diners. Maybe, just maybe I could do this without a mention of the day or someone I know wanting to tell me how sorry they were. We sat down, ordered and were almost through the meal when a waitress who had waited on us many times approached me smiling. She handed me a carnation and whispered in my ear "you look like you need this - we're giving them to all the mom's today". Well, my face must have drained of color and my eyes stared at Jack - I couldn't say a word. The waitress looked like she was terrified when Jack said "Thank you - we just lost our son 2 months ago". Well, she started to piece it together and realized her son and our son were friends. She said it took her most of the meal to decide to give me the flower but something just told her I needed it and to be wished a Happy Mother's Day. I thanked her when I left and managed to get outside before breaking down like a babbling fool.
So, do I think that was a sign? for me ... it was. I choose to see the moments that remind me of Randy as needed messages that he's still with me. I needed that more than I realized that day. Earlier in the day a friend of Randy's had brought me a card with a message that sound oh so like Randy Lee. Having a bad day at work and that one song that takes me right to thoughts of Randy plays or being somewhere and just hearing his name.
I believe in signs. I don't think they are smack you upside the head things but if you look, if you pay attention and open your heart - they are there. It's been 10 years since Randy Lee's angel date. I will say that I questioned things so much more that first year. It doesn't get easier, you just learn to cope with it. The person who said time heals all wounds never lost a child.
I'll close with this - I am thankful to God for the 18 years he blessed me with Randy Lee .... the good, the bad .... because to change any of that would change him. May you all find comfort in a "sign" from your loved one letting you know they are always, always right by your side.
Replies
Being grateful for all of Randy Lee because to change any of it would be to change him... Oh, that is so very powerful and I\'ll be pondering it indeed. Thank you.
I felt as if I was with you in that diner and of course, the waitress was prompted by Randy Lee. Our earth angels are in our midst and I don\'t second guess any of it now. If it brings some comfort and peace in the midst then I welcome it.
I appreciate your thoughts today and where you find yourself ten years later on this path. You are right about the \"time part of healing\" as it could not have been written by a bereaved parent. What time is doing for me on most days is making those jagged and torn edges of my heart feel a little smoother.
Hand in Hand and Heart to Heart we go... In gratitude to you and your words full of HOPE today.
Heartfelt hugs,
XO Joanie
I can\'t thank you enough for sharing this journal with us!!
I SO believe in messages/signs/winks/visits...all of it. I know that I know that I know, Kala talks to me...often. Sometimes subtle, but more often than not she uses a cosmic 2x4 to make sure I don\'t miss a thing...and thank Spirit for it!
I felt such a powerful surge flow through me as I read about the waitress gifting you with a flower and a \"happy Mother\'s Day\" wish....I truly believe it was Randy gifting you through her...so, THANK YOU RANDY LEE! GOOD JOB!
And like Randy Lee, Kala had/has many sides to her....and I love it all and wouldn\'t change a thing...as you say, changes would mean to change Kala.
I\'m thankful too for the 18 years you had Randy here on this earth with you.
Tight hugs dear one,
Teri
oh my eyes are leaking.... thanks you for sharing your journal...and I so agree,,,you must look for signs,,,because they are there...love ya!
I totally believe in signs, too! And the waitress giving you the flower was kind...but how \"traumatic\" those acts can be to our emotions! As for the saying about time--I think language is the problem there--Maybe it should read \"Time provides a measure of healing\". For me, the 28 years since the wreck have brought me an increased understanding of all areas of my loss...This understanding has given me much greater peace and that for me, is \"healing\". The loss never disappears (how can we deny reality?) BUT...the gap between \"them and us\" becomes much less imho. :-) Love, Donna
What you said about signs, I so needed to hear. On a quiet day a few days ago, I heard just one of my chimes, ding 5 times. It really struck me as odd so I thought, \"Josh, if this is you, do this again\" and it did, 5 times just as before. I told my husband and he told me he did not believe in that kind of stuff. I knew he would say that so as before, I keep all my signs to myself and fmo.
Thank you for saying exactly what you did!
Much love,
Leda
I think some people are almost afraid to admit they believe in signs. I think I always have - even before Randy Lee. I remember being being 14 after my grandpap died feeling him with me and bringing memories to my mind making me smile. When my dad and grandma passed - so mny times they were with me. one of my most vivid signs happened on my step mom\'s birthday that came 6 months after she passed. We gathered as a family to celebrate :Joyce\'s Day\" as we buried her ashes on a beautiful piece of church land. My Uncle helped to build an amazing picnic area and we planted 7 trees to stand for the date of her passing. We purchased a bench w/ a memorial plaque and buried her ashes beneath the bench. That day as so peaceful to all of us. As we gathered in the picnic area to have lunch, the clouds in the sky were so amazing. There was one in the center above us that truly looked as if it were two people in one another\'s arms - my dad in heaven welcoming Joyce. I\'ll have to get my hubby to scan the pic in and I will post -- it gives me chills every time I look at it.
What is even more of a gift is that the church has opened up to all families who wish to bury their loved ones ashes on their land to do so. They only ask for the family to contribute something to the land.
We gather each year the weekend of her birthday for our family reunion and to celebrate the lives of our family who has gone before us.
As for Randy Lee - I love every sign, every wink or nod I get. He was an amazing young man who gave me so much.