She is Gone From This Earth....
This is the third Tuesday since mom passed. So much has happened in our lives as we move into the present without her. We had a memorial Mass for her last week. Family flew in from out of town, friends of mom's from her associations here came and enjoyed the service - and the reception at the home- where we showcased her art, her love of all things beautiful, and her lovely home.
My family, my husband and daughter are now here with me. I feel more in step with the world now they are here. I am still taking massive amounts of antidepressants and anti anxiety medication in conjunction with my back pain medicine and muscle relaxants...if I didn't , I would crumble. The strangest thing is that this arsenal makes me normal, though I still break through and cry like a baby, or just stare into space at the wildness of loss...at the shear utter sadness when someone one loves is torn from this earth...and can't be called, written to, or imagined on some exotic trip far away.
She is gone from this earth. She is gone from this earth. She is gone from this earth.
Tomorrow we leave for the San Francisco Bay Area...where we grew up and blew up (some of us). I was last there a year ago - almost to the date- with mom and my brother. We were celebrating a 30 year HS reunion for my brother, and since I was the class right after his, I thought I would join them. Good thing I did, it was the last trip we all took together as a family. This time, we are going to intern my mom's remains with my brother's remains who died as a result of a drunk driving accident at the age of 22 in 1987 - they will open his crypt, and place mom's ashes in there with him. Then they will be there forever together. Or their earthly remains will be there forever. Funny, last time we were there, I distinctly remember asking my mom if she wanted to 'visit Tim', and she said..."Why? Tim is not there..."
The internment ceremony will be on Thursday the Memorial Mass will be on Friday...friends will be celebrating life with me and my family on Saturday and Sunday we will float like zombies in any direction we feel pulled - to see and honor our place of birth and death. To make peace with the life process instead of avoiding the process that scares me, saddens me or seems like it is some unreal movie in my head...but it isn't - it is this life I am leading. It is this life I am living...and it is more than half way finished for me too.
May mom's soul rest in peace. May she continue to enchant me in my dreams as she has since she died. And may all the people who suffer loss know that they are not alone- to live and to love is to suffer loss. And God is so great that he lends us to each other so we can experience an infinitesimal amount of his undying love for us all in the ones we cling to in earthly love.
My family, my husband and daughter are now here with me. I feel more in step with the world now they are here. I am still taking massive amounts of antidepressants and anti anxiety medication in conjunction with my back pain medicine and muscle relaxants...if I didn't , I would crumble. The strangest thing is that this arsenal makes me normal, though I still break through and cry like a baby, or just stare into space at the wildness of loss...at the shear utter sadness when someone one loves is torn from this earth...and can't be called, written to, or imagined on some exotic trip far away.
She is gone from this earth. She is gone from this earth. She is gone from this earth.
Tomorrow we leave for the San Francisco Bay Area...where we grew up and blew up (some of us). I was last there a year ago - almost to the date- with mom and my brother. We were celebrating a 30 year HS reunion for my brother, and since I was the class right after his, I thought I would join them. Good thing I did, it was the last trip we all took together as a family. This time, we are going to intern my mom's remains with my brother's remains who died as a result of a drunk driving accident at the age of 22 in 1987 - they will open his crypt, and place mom's ashes in there with him. Then they will be there forever together. Or their earthly remains will be there forever. Funny, last time we were there, I distinctly remember asking my mom if she wanted to 'visit Tim', and she said..."Why? Tim is not there..."
The internment ceremony will be on Thursday the Memorial Mass will be on Friday...friends will be celebrating life with me and my family on Saturday and Sunday we will float like zombies in any direction we feel pulled - to see and honor our place of birth and death. To make peace with the life process instead of avoiding the process that scares me, saddens me or seems like it is some unreal movie in my head...but it isn't - it is this life I am leading. It is this life I am living...and it is more than half way finished for me too.
May mom's soul rest in peace. May she continue to enchant me in my dreams as she has since she died. And may all the people who suffer loss know that they are not alone- to live and to love is to suffer loss. And God is so great that he lends us to each other so we can experience an infinitesimal amount of his undying love for us all in the ones we cling to in earthly love.
Replies
you are so right about that. God has been merciful on all of us. He gave us the gift of other to lean on. Since my father passed so many people have pulled me up. Without them it would be impossible to get through. The human ability to experience empathy for one another is a gift from God to get through these times. I hope you hang in there. Your mom is always with you now, wherever you go. Moreso than she could be in life.
Thanks Karissa- you are an angel. Sometimes I feel so alone on Daily Strength\' it is nice to know someone is out here with me. I am with young your journey. I miss my dad all the time and he has been gone 20 years. Mom and I were very close. And I hope she continues to fuse herself into me as I walk the earth without her.
dearest thinking im so sorry for your loss and i know your come out of this ok and stronger too it is very apparent your mom was indeed a very special lady just like you god will give ya strenght to make it thru all this just reach out and grab hold of his hand and dont let go and in the days to come youll find strenght ya neveknew ya had so keep on just breathing and take it one step at a time and get some rest , i just hope when my time for this im gonna be alright cause baby im so very scared ill not be ok hugs to ya and remember i care