sharing memories

Well I survived July~ I felt tugged in 100 directions and at times felt I was drowning but it's over and I'm still here.  
Has anyone ever done anything like a memory page for their child to mark a milestone? I'm still struggling with this 10 year mark and Randy Lee's birthday is in September. I still have so many people in my life who knew and loved Randy and I am so very thankful for the memories they share with me. They always seem to make me feel closer to him, even the ones that make me cry.
What I was thinking about doing was a facebook page where people could leave memories of him in celebration of his 28th birthday.
We always mark his birthday by something he would love to do ~ place to eat ~ friends to share it with. Every year since 2003 I have celebrated the most precious day of my life as I did when he was here.
I've said it before and for me, I believe. I believe in "signs", moments that just happen when you need them most to make you know ... just know he's safe,he's happy and he is still with me. I know with all my soul Randy is in heaven and I know I'll see him again one day ~ that alone keeps me going on some of the hardest days. I've had some touching signs on his birthday some years. His 19th, the first since his passing took my breath away. I don't remember if I shared this or not - so skip ahead if I did.
My husband Ken, then we weren't married yet ~  "forced" me out of the house because I had told him I needed to celebrate Randy's birthday no matter what. We went to Niagra Falls. I love it there and I can still see Randy's face and his voice the first time he was there. He was standing at the Niagra River and looked right, then left and looked at me saying "all this way for water?". I just laughed and told him to wait until the next stop. His eyes were as big as pancakes that day when he saw the falls for the first time. It's truly a breath taking view. We had so much fun taking in all the sights, walking Clifton Hill on the Canadian side and all the silly like stores and shops. So we go in 2003 and we're staying on Clifton Hill. We had gone on the Maid of the Mist earlier that day and stopped in the gift shop at the end of the tour. I'm browsing and really not planning to buy anything. I remember the place was so neat, all the keychange, mugs, etc were in alphabetical order and hung so neatly. I spin this one stand and I sort of froze. Ken looks at me and then at the stand in front of me and says "Oh, we are so buying that ~ you have to get that". There was a keychain that didn't even belong on that rack with the name Randy on it. ( I still have this key chain on my keys 10 years later) Later that night we're walking and decide to eat at The RainForest Cafe. The table is covered in butchers paper w/ crayons where others have doodled and at my seat is a heart with "I love you mom" written in orange. I was silent for what felt like hours. Ken just smiled because I had been struggling with the last words Randy ever said to me were in anger and I didn't know if he knew I loved him. I know Randy didn't write that or move that key chain but there is part of me that knows I found both in front of my face for a reason - especially that day.
My husband and I started a small, homebased candle business a few years back. Sort of a hobby turned into profit. What I was going to do is make a candle that is a scent Randy loved ~ likely Curve (colonge) since that was his favorite. I still smile when I smell it. Attach a tag with a poem of his and ask everyone to light the candle on September 12 and post a memory on the page. I plan to send them to family & friends who love him.
I started a scrap book in 2004 for all my pictures, notes, cards, etc. and here it is 2013 and I have one, yes 1 page completed. I sit down with all intentions of working on it and I start to look at the pictures and my emotions take over. I just can't seem to do this. So, for now, they are all tucked away in a photo box in the office waiting.
I was talking with my nephew at my brothers wedding and he's still struggling with the loss of his best friend last year. They were "brothers" and had been friends since they wre 5 years old. He died at the age of 20 and Ian (my nephew) had such a hard time dealing with this. They had make plans to go to college together last year and share an apt. Ian couldn't go without him but has realized that Cory would have wanted him to follow through on their plans. He's going this fall. We were talking and he said how much the ache is still there and wondered when it would fade. I realized then what some of Randy's friends have told me how they still will think "oh I have to tell Randy that" or "Randy would so love this". It's amazing how many lives one person truly can touch.
I know for me ~ September 12th will always be the most precious day of wonderful memories for me. It's much easier to cope on a happy day than his angeldate. I will always celebrate his life. 
So, am I crazy for thinking of this? I've only told a few people and they were all for it.  



You\'re not crazy! I personally think it\'s wonderful that you feel that way, about Randy\'s birthday and celebrating with all your heart, his life! After 28 years, for me, I now also look at my Michael and LIsa\'s Angel date-- as also \"celebrating their life\"...because I believe they started their true and perfect new \"life\"- in Paradise! I love your thinking on this! Love, Donna

I BELIEVE, I BELIEVE, I BELIEVE!!!!! WOW...LOVE the signs from Randy!

I have a memorial website for Kala. It\'s Maybe you would like to do one for Randy??? Just go to there are others, just search the internet. I really like having this place to post photo\'s and send her \"hugs\" like we send each other here....only there it\'s referred to \"lighting a candle\"...but it\'s basically the same thing.

Thank you for sharing, it truly touches my heart today!

I believe too and whatever can bring you some peace filled moments and comfort I say, Go for it.!\"

I had not heard the story about the keychain nor the words written on the paper. Just what you needed to absorb in that moment and SO very healing.

Whatever you decide will be what it needs to be because it speaks to your heart. Randy Lee knows... That\'s all that matters...

XO Joanie